Tech support please help if you can.
INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0, Car Racing 3.0. And Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.5 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.html” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0, Cold Beer 4.5, Bike Racing 2.3, Lingerie 7.7 and Sex 6.9
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Pictures from Pixabay
I didn't write this, but I thought it good enough to share
As a boyfriend 10.0 , and not pretending to update to Husband 1.0 in the next years, I can only tell you that Nagging 5.3 has a clear toll on the whole operating system.
You should try to group Bike Racing and other similar apps into a non priority mode, under HOBBIES 1.0 , so you won't notice that much lag if you are not taking them into account, and you will see an improvement in all other beneficial apps, if you don't keep trying to kill those other maintenance apps.
LOL Thanks for the advice!
Dear Michelle.
We are sorry to hear that you have problems with one of our products.
But we cannot ignore that you seem to have a misunderstanding here.
The packages you have are for a vastly different purpose. The things you do not like with husband 1.0 are not bugs, but features our valued customers hold dear.
We suggest you think about upgrading to one of our problem solving packages like divorce 2.0 or infidelity 0.6.
Marketing
Hahaha! I want to upvote this comment TWICE
I upvoted myself then for you ;)
Thank you!
You may also want to uninstall all versions of Nagging and downgrade to the last stable version of Dressing 8-P
I don't need to do the dressing thing til he's on his way home from work, surely? ;)
No, that program can safely be started by a timer as a scheduled task 8-).
Perfect! Thanks for the help ;)
Very funny. We need more light and smile content on Steemit.
Thank you :)
OMG! Absolutely brilliant! Re-steemed, tweeted and shared on all social sites! This made my day :)
LOL Thank you!
Hehe, so This is how it works, Explains a lot. We will follow you btw :))
Thank you. I've only just realised this is how it works too!
Well that's weird, because last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.
Awesome! That deserves a post all of its own!
lol I didn't write mine either.
Haha! Nice one!
That was funny. Thanks for making me laugh :)
You're most welcome!
Just remember husband 1.0 has a fantastic feature called "Auto pay" it covers bills like gas, food, electric, internet, cable, school for the kids, car and house payments. It's probably his best feature! Get that credit card out and use it, he'll cover it. :)
LOL I must be doing something wrong... ;)
I'm now having a malicious urge to write about the stereotypical complaints of upgrading to wife 1.0—including all the bloatware, no volume control, peculiar old file retrieval in response to current issues, and its attempts to erase various hobby applications.
But I'm not that mean-spirited.
Or am I? Hmmm...
Oh go on... you know you want to :)
Silence, cartoon-shoulder-demon!