Never Again Stories

The resort I stayed at in the Dominican Republic had a swim-up bar in the pool. The cocktail of the day was a piña colada. Being of newly legal drinking age and at an all-inclusive resort, and also not yet having a taste for hard alcohol thus resorting to getting pickled off coolers and cocktails, I went hard on piña coladas.

One after the other, in rapid succession. What I didn't know was that, when you drink while swimming, being weightless in the water means that you don't realize you're drunk until you're really effing drunk. I ended up getting a lot more intoxicated than I had anticipated, possibly the most I've ever been in my life. I don't remember anything between being dragged out of the pool by my parents and sitting in the corner of our hotel room, crying.

Thus began many hours of tears, double vision, vomiting into the toilet, and fading in and out of consciousness on the bathroom floor. I couldn't smell alcohol for 3 days without physically feeling sick to my stomach. I still drink, but because of that memory, piña coladas have been forever ruined for me.