Emergency Report - Zelensky's sustainable energy strategy, and interpretive attacks.

in #funny2 years ago

WEF's man of the moment, and the winner of the much valued 'useful idiot of the decade' - pretend president Zelensky of the The Ukraine , stated yesterday that his call for Europe to transition to green energy and away from fossil fuels had nothing to do with the fact they will be getting fuck all gas or oil from Russia, from April the 1st.

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Europe has now banned 'April fools day' - due to them being nominated the biggest fools in modern times, since The charge of the light Brigade in fact, and the commanders who were giving the orders, saying "Who gives a shit about a cannons? ...We've got horses and long sticks with really sharp pointy bits at the end..."

Pretend president Zelensky will lead by example, explaining that green energy and electric vehicles are the way forwards once fully charged.

He stated that "The Green New Deal, Build Back Better, and the western nations climate change agenda to make people slaves again, is far larger than any US funded proxy war. "

He then unveiled his new Tank which will be used to counter attack any Russian forces that look 'really mean'.

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But, only hours after unveiling the revolutionary armored vehicle, criticisms of it's usefulness emerged.

At the time of this report, it's been revealed that only 1 of the 24 tanks is actually ready for action, due to all the others being in a very long queue at the local 'vehicle recharging point' (one of 2 electrical recharging points in the entirety of the Ukraine).

Tank commander Yuri Reallyavingalaff said that he's be been in the queue for charging up his vehicle for over 3 days.
"Each tank takes 36 hours to recharge fully, which is kind of an essential requirement if we're going into battle.
At the speed of charging, We estimate that our crack tank brigade will be ready for an immediate surprise counter attack, in about 7 months time...."

He said to us (off the record) that he just hopes that the Russians advance far enough before the tank battalions full recharge is finished - as each tank can only move 23 kilometres before another recharging is need again.
... 'And if we use that big gunny thing that range will be reduced to 4 km before plugging in once more.'

When asked how they proposed to use the charging stations once the Russian gas is turned off ( power plants use gas and oil to generate electricity), he said that this wasn't going to be problem as they now have the new prototype tank that's nearly ready for immediate deployment - and that will negate all the problems of not living in reality'

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Zelensky also warned the Russians that if his new shiny electric tanks were destroyed because 'they didn't play fair', the only option left, was to 'go nuclear'.

He quickly backtracked on the statement, saying that he didn't mean 'that kind of nuclear' but was, instead, using it as a term in regards of ramping up the aggression...

He said that newly formed 'ID unit' would be hurled into the affray..

"The battalion of interpretive dancers will have the Russians trembling in fear", He said, 'And he himself would leading the charge '

He added ...." Mr Schwab says that it would be 'just perfect' for the role for me...And as a show of solidarity to our LGBGTYNUTTY sisters and brothers, we'll perfomamtive dance into battle, wearing only pink stiletto's.."

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To bad I missed the seven day window on this one, it was worth the upvote. lol.

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