The Empire is Pleased by Your Planet's Willingness to Belittle those Primitive Wookies
Greetings loyal followers.
The Empire does not recognize any holidays. This is demonstrated by the fact that my birthday is not a holiday throughout the Empire... yet. Even though we have no holidays (those are for primitive losers who need "days off" to spend with their "families"... when everyone knows they should be doubling their efforts in order to finish big projects on time ) we are still bothered by transmissions from those weak and primitive cultures that still feel the need to celebrate their pathetic, Empireless lives.
Apparently today, your planet is having one of these obsolete celebrations.
How can I tell? Production on one of most important projects has dropped nearly 12%. Even my dimwits know that if it dropped any further, there would be severe Force driven consequences.
What is the cause of today's dip in production? The Empire has intercepted the following holiday transmission from your system...
Normally, I would be upset with these unwanted transmissions and the parties responsible would already be rolling around on the floor gasping for breath. However, I do appreciate that this particular transmission is clearly making fun of one of the Empire's most hated enemies. That disgusting fuzzball caused quite a bit of damage to our Death Star. I enjoy taking part in the mocking of his simplistic and guttural language.
I was still undecided as to whether I would destroy your planet or perhaps a city or two... then we received this image along with the transmission.
That giant, soiled, walking carpet looks ridiculous! I didn't even know that your planet knew how much of an insult it is to put horns on a Wookie. It's something their captors made them wear when they were working in the spice mines on Kessel. That was a really low blow. I love it!!! And the red nose to show that he is clearly drunk. Brilliant! I have to hand it to you Earthlings, you sure know how to insult a Wookie.
So enjoy your holiday as if it were your last... because if the Empire desires it, this will be your last.
This post has been ranked within the top 50 most undervalued posts in the first half of Dec 25. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $4.11 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.
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If you're going to wipe out a city, remember that Washington, DC in the region known as the "United States" holds significant psychological value in many circles. Not mine, but many others.
Have a Wookiee Christmas @lordvader. Please hold off the destruction of Earth 🌏. I promise we will improve our production next year.
Good. You know what I do to people who disappoint me...
lmao... Merry Christmas @lordvader
Please Don't destroy us
he is clearly drunk. Brilliant!
As you wish... for now.
lol
I'd really like it if you could pay PM Justin Trudeau in #Canada a visit and ask him to give Canadians back our monetary supply out of the hands of .... darkness and the central banking cabals.
No offence.