I decided to attend SteemFest 2. You're welcome.

in #funny7 years ago

Greetings loyal followers.



Headed to Steemfest2 on Thursday November 9th!

Last Wednesday (November 1st), I received a transmission from my son, Lord Vader Jr. (at least that is what I would have named him if my former teacher hadn't stolen him from me. What a disloyal loser.)

It said, "Let’s take Steem across the finish line next weekend! Galactic Empire: get out and attend SteemFest2 for Ned & entire Steemit platform. #steemfest #LIS"

Because this seemed like the perfect opportunity to meet the wisest members of this platform who have shown their loyalty to me and the Galactic Empire, I asked Vera (who should be the guest of honor at Vera-fest every year) to book me a shuttle to your primitive planet.

Even on vacation, I travel with a large contingent of Imperial forces (at the expense of the Empire of course). These bucket heads were supposed to take the shuttle with me.



No blasters? No problem. It's not like they ever hit anything with them.

Of course they missed the flight. These losers miss everything!

So I headed to your galaxy by myself.

Because we are operating on a non-linear timeline (and Vera is the bees knees) these morons were waiting for me at one of your space ports.



Hey idiots! You're facing the wrong way... again. I'm behind you!

After finally getting their attention, we entered the baggage claim area.


These dopes just stood there and watched my luggage pass by about 80 freaking times. I Force choked the lot of them, sent Vera some steem for the choke jar, and headed toward my temporary dwelling.

At this point in the non-linear timeline, things looked quite promising.

The temporary dwelling in Lisbon called The Red Jedi was impressive, most impressive.


Screen Shot 2017-11-11 at 2.02.08 AM.png

After some time in the refresher I began to make my way to The Lisbon Secret Spot at The Montes Claros. Along the way, I decided to gather some intelligence on one of your major metropolitan areas.

I saw some excellent shrines dedicated to me including this one:



Everywhere I look, I see that stupid droid! It seems like it has been following me around since I was a child. It's almost as if it is one of the only details holding nine other things together. Annoying.

Then I saw this completely unrealistic likeness of my puke-inducing boss...



Seriously? That old bag of turds, The Emperor, hasn't looked that good since... ever!

After seeing that, I decided to gather intelligence on your primitive power supply.



This place is called Museu da Eletricidade. I believe this translates to "Building designed to hide human's shame over the fact that they still rely on electricity like simpletons."



After entering the structure, my assumptions were confirmed: Kashyyyk & Naboo are doing great but Earth, which was already suffering from broken infrastructure & massive debt, is in deep trouble. I did not see a single Kyber crystal. How the hell do you idiots power anything?

Speaking of Naboo... after gathering this intelligence, I saw this body of water and began to wonder exactly how many bodies it would take to fill it.



"Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo."

Seeing this body of water reminded me that I wanted to gather some information from one of your inhabitants known as @surfermarly.



I decided that she was most likely preparing for her presentation at the celebration and decided to proceed to SteemFest2.

When I arrived at The Montes Claros, the crooked and disgraceful losers working at the check-in desk claimed that they had no idea what SteemFest2 was.



Don't act so surprised, Your Highness. There aren't any other conventions at this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this location by Steemit members. I want to know what happened to SteemFest2!

They adamantly opposed me and stated that there was no event at this location. I Force choked them all and proceeded to search for the gathering on my own.

Here is what I found...



Empty.



Empty?


Empty?!


Empty!!!!!!!!!

What the f...?!


Then I saw this...


DQmPJGWwSVgmqdx6H3tsGY5VipMk5ZNQkQ7NawTpjfRE9vo_1680x8400.jpeg

November 1st through the 5th?!!!!!!!



How could Lord Vader Jr. be so stupid while I am so brilliant?


Images
They see me rolling...my luggage.
Still equally likely to hit something with their blasters
Morons
Missed it. Missed it. Missed it.
The Red Jedi
Are you my freaking shadow?
Try not to puke
Electricity? Ha ha ha ha!
Deep trouble
Memories. Like the corner of my...
Surf's up!
Crooked and disgraceful
Empty.
Empty?
Empty?!
Empty!!!!!!!!!
Steemfest2
Noooooooooooo!!!!!!

Sort:  

"The Choke Jar" almost killed me, just reading it!

So much power in your force...

Thanks for sharing and letting us survive "The Choke Jar" reading itself.

Namaste :)

Execute Order 66

Hilarious...

How many credits were needed to unlock Vader?

Hey master @lordvader, as your son wasn't a help for you, have a look to all the recordings we did at steemfest on YouTube

There is a special one about How to create valuable content on D.tube and believe me, there was a lot fun in that room!

Have your son view this a few times, so he might understand how he could create better quality post!

Son of a nutcracker!! Perfection would have been exceeded had you been there. Perhaps we can prepare a bit ahead of time and you can grace us with your presence at steemfest3?

I hear you are a father as well. Do you have any advice on how to handle rebellious teens?

I regret to inform you that I do not. The force is strong with these, 'rebellious teens' as you call them. I'm afraid the dark side clouds my ability to see a solution. But, I would think your vision would be 20/20?

His misuse of the force has scrambled his transmissions. It must be so frustrating for you.

Exactly. It makes me sick that he is using the Force for g... g... goo...good.

My favorite poster EVER! Keep it up Vader!

I can use the Force. I can keep anything up.

Wow, this was...amusing and super entertaining. Me and my wife got so much fun out of this post. Dude, you really are Lord Vader? I will follow the dark side.

Is this really your outfit from steemfest??😀😀

I wear it every day. If I don't, I'll die.

lol..Please spare Steemit Republic for us.

The verbal exchange at the venue:

Moff Jerjerrod: Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence...
Darth Vader: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule.
Moff Jerjerrod: I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.

So you are the one who took the photograph of me there. You have pleased me. Enjoy this...

I am honored Lord Vader!

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