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HOW TO RUiN AN EMPIRE EPISODE XIX: AN INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE

in funny •  18 days ago

Greetings loyal followers.

My executive assistant Vera, who can just do anything (and just do it perfectly), has informed me that the moronic inhabitants of your primitive planet may be in need of some inspiration.

Well allow me to provide you with the encouragement you so desperately crave.



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There, fixed it for you.

In my case, the "something" is absolute, unquestioned and unchecked power.

The "everything" is of course nothing.

I have never or will ever sacrifice anything for anyone. That is simply preposterous! "Sacrificing" entails putting someone else's needs in front of my own. Why in the Hell would I ever do that? I mean I am clearly the smartest, strongest, bravest, handsomest, most hinged, richest and most powerful being alive. Whose needs could possibly mean as much as mine?

In fact, I don't think even the Empire's needs should come before mine. Luckily, there is no need to make this distinction. Just by meeting my own needs, I am clearly making the Empire as great as it could ever be. In fact, I bet if I were somehow removed from my powerful position in the Empire, you would see numbers that you wouldn’t believe, in reverse. For example, the number 1183 would become 3811. Let that sink into your simple minds for a moment.

3811!

Do you know what would happen if that were to occur?

The spice market would crash.





Do the citizens slaves of the Empire want the spice market to crash?

Then they better hope I stay in power. I mean how do you remove someone from power who has done a great job?

If I ever did lose my power, the Rebels would quickly and violently overturn all the great things the Empire has done.

But back to my inspirational message. Even though there is simply no plausible reason for me to ever sacrifice anything for anybody, that shouldn't stop any of you from doing it. If you are looking for something to sacrifice, perhaps you should start with your desire to express your dissent concerning anything the Empire says or does.




Guess which one of these bucket heads survived this despicable display of free expression?
Trick question. The answer is none you moron!


One of the reasons your planet is such a laughing stock among the more advanced civilizations that happen to have existed a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away is that you continue to allow your inhabitants to challenge your decisions and interrupt what should be rubber stamp proceedings. I'm amazed that people allow the interruptions to continue. There are some people that just keep screaming. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away, we used to throw them out. Today, I guess they just keep screaming. It is embarrassing for a system to allow dissenters. To allow somebody to stand up and scream from the top of their lungs and nobody does anything about it is, frankly an embarrassment. When I arrive and take control of your primitive planet, the first thing I will do is silence this nonsense.

The last thing any totalitarian leader needs is inhabitants who dare to practice their freedom of speech.

How fortunate for me that it is difficult to speak when one cannot breathe.




Tell me again how you disagree with something I said or did.
Oh that's right. You can't. I guess we are in agreement then.


Just do it. Or else.
Silence is golden
The spice must... wrong movie.
What was that?

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The force is strong with this one!

That bloody spice market. It's at the root of everything

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Destroy Arrakis!

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I can make it bloody.

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Just how I like my vegan burgers

I heard one of your senior bucket heads was saying they just pretend you are in charge and they run things really. I can't possibly reveal his serial number. He said the call the Death Star the Crazy Station

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You could call that treason.The Death Star is a well oiled machine.

yeah but its Friday here and i am Batman..i am living in NZ just so you know
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No need to empirically counteract, like the NIKE advertising already said!

JUST DO IT!

Rebel?! Rebel to what? Higher beings from distant galaxies create harmony, so it seems we're still very primitive on this planet...indeed

Spice is for the healing of the nation!

Our ancestors were much more advanced.

Down with the empire.and fuck the NFL!!

thanks father for tips haha

No objections here.

Why would we need a minority uprising when we have the galaxy's most powerful black man in charge of a white-only majority? It really helps us not have to worry about what all the other weird alien races are squabbling about when only your voice of reason matters.

Nice, beautiful and informative. Keep sharing, great work!

That bloody excitement market. It's at the origin of the whole lot

Woah woah there Lord Vader. We still have free speech. The rebel scum will suffer for their free speech but they are nothing to the force.

My day could not have been better. I found two lords within an hour. Ow Lord Vader, just like I asked the other lord to join I will ask you to join too. www.musing.io

Let the Q&A's between the Darkside and the Good fella begin! Lets bring some life (and death) on the blockchain! !popcorn

Wow!!! Just when I thought the day was going to be full of doom and gloom, you have gone and totally turned things around. I feel so inspired that I know I can make it through the day. I also have a solid understanding now that if I feel I might not make it through the day that it will be best to just keep it to myself or risk the wrath of the speech police. Just tell those storm troopers I have moved. Thank you for your willingness to let me sacrifice it all. I look forward to the fruits of my sacrifices contributing to your ultimate power.

Sorry. Your parody is lost on me. I'll just stand as the last rebel saying "molan labe."

good post greetings!