Happy New Year... Dude Where's My Shuttle

Greetings.

Oh the Maker. Is there something wrong with my communicator? Why is my voice so loud? It feels like my head is going to explode. I haven't been in this much pain since I had 100% of my body burned in lava.

So I decided to spend New year's Even on your planet. Big mistake. One of the few I have ever made in my life.

Now I can't find my shuttle anywhere. I swear I just want to go home and go to sleep... but I can't until I find that stupid shuttle. Perhaps one of you can help. I will try to piece together what I remember from last night. Maybe that will help one of you locate it.

The evening started with a casual dinner. I don't really have any "friends" because no one is my equal so I decided to hang out with some of my dimwit troopers. I figure if I ever get bored throughout the night, I can always use the force to tear one of them apart just for fun. Of course that would me my assistant vera, who is more spectacular than any of your New year's Eve Fireworks displays, would ask me to put credits in the "kill jar"... but it's New Year's Eve. You have to splurge a little on New Year's. Anyway, we started a t a restaurant.

Not a single one of these idiots can read the menu through those helmets.
They all just pointed and said I'll have what he's having...
but they were all pointing at a picture on the wall. Morons!

I don't recall the name of the restaurant but it had laminated menus so I know it's not very fancy. There was also no dress code. I think we had something called "an awesome blossom" or something. I don't remember much, but I do know this meal was no roasted ewok.

After that I'm pretty sure we went to a bar.

Apparently the patrons were some military organization
because they all had to wear the same shorts.

But it was a total sausage fest so we left after one drink... I think.

On the way out, this old goof tried to join us...

Wait right here. Jar Jar will be along any minute. You two can party.

He started to tell this long confusing story that made no sense. He kept making exploding sounds like it would make his story better. He didn't seem to have any good ideas left so we ditched him.

And then we ended up here...

Feel the power of the Dark Side.

Whatever idiot decided we should leave this place is freaking dead. I was trying to give up crushing people's skulls... but for the moron who thought it would be a good idea to leave these two ladies, I'll make an exception. Although I really don't want to think about skulls right now. Mine is killing me.

I'm pretty sure that place was awesome, but taking that picture is really the last thing I remember clearly.

After drinking, I like to show off my moves so I think this happened next.

I cannot guarantee there was any music playing.

I think they asked us to leave as the sun was coming up but we refused. Then they called the police.

No! You've had too much to drink! Your hats are silly.

I either talked or killed my way out of that and then vaguely remember this...

I know. I know. I've got great maracas!

Where did I get that stuff? And were are all of my dimwits?

When I woke up, I had no idea where I, my underlings, or my shuttle was.

Don't move me. I swear to the Maker that if you move me, I'll puke... again.

Every single year, I promise myself the night is not going to end up like this. I tell myself I'm only going to have a few just to take the edge off. I'm the life of every party. People need me to have my wits about me. And think of the ladies. They don't want me passing out.

And yet every freaking year I always end the night exactly like this...

Never again. This is the last time. I swear.

So if anyone knows where my shuttle is, let me know. I really need to get home. Vera is going to be worried sick.

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