Europe trip (and Asia)! Stop 37: Bohol, Philippines, The Chocolate Hills And All That…

So we lost Ana… Don’t worry she didn’t die, nor did she get future endeavoured from our group, she simply had to go off and see more Filipino places while me and Doug stayed in Siquijor to do very little. But now it was time to get on the ferry to Bohol.

Nice and easy; get on the ferry at two, and then get a direct ferry to Tagbilarian, which is the port town in Bohol. Only the ferry made a stop in Dumaguete (just over an hour in the opposite direction) before going back to Tagbilarian.

Four hours and 910 Pesos later we made it! Off the boat and heading in the general direction as to where the cheap hotels were. There were tricycle taxis offering to take us to the town for 300 Pesos (about £5), which was lowered to 10 Pesos (15-20p) when we got to the end of the pier, We walked for a kilometre and ended up in hotel central. After asking a few places (and being offered by a tricycle taxi for a lift literally 100 metres down the road for 10 Pesos…) Doug noticed a place above a bakery called Ellen’s. It was 850 a night and we had cable TV, a hot shower, (well, a drip that came out of the shower head), a desk and twin beds (I like Doug, but we aren’t at that stage of the relationship yet…)

The internet didn’t work, so I managed to somehow bag the Wifi password from a guy called Michael, which I assume was the hotel’s private wifi. Doug asked and they wouldn’t give him the password, insisting that their own Wifi was working. So I had internet at reception while Doug was left to bitterly spout death threats to anyone who gave him a dodgy look. He didn’t go as far as to shout, “BUILD THAT WALL!!!” But he was still pretty pissed…

I don't know these randoms, but it's a good photo, so they made the cut...

So we got a Pizza Hut, for internet and… Pizza. I was acting goofy with the waitresses and Doug was holding his head in his left hand as if to say, ‘you’re making a scene!’ like a guy who had lost his sense of humour somewhere between aisle 7 and the meat section…

Bizarrely after our meal we were given a clipboard where we had to write our name, our phone number and our ‘comment’ on how the meal was. There were the generic awkward ‘meal was very good’ comments, so naturally I wrote my real name and commented, “One of my arms is slightly longer than the other…” Left the clipboard on the table, said thank you to the staff and calmly walked out. Girls if you are reading this and want to go on a date with me, I wouldn’t recommend it…

A picture of something vaguely interesting...

The next day was Chocolate Hill day. Here’s a link to the wikipedia page explaining why they are called the chocolate hills. I could easily write it myself but I’d be only copying from this page anyway…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocolate_Hills

Where was I…? Oh yeah, rambling on about chocolate hills. We got a motorbike at nine in the morning and headed off counter clockwise around the island to Loay, then turned left and kept going straight from then onwards until we got to the Tarsier conservation. After that we had a little lunch at a local internet shop (Yep…) for 80 Pesos (£1.20) for the two of us (More writing in brackets because I know it’s pissing you off!) then we kept going north until we stumbled upon the chocolate hills

Quality view of trees and shit...

As you can see they are very unique. I took as many pictures as I could without random tourists crossing my path and then stared into the distance deep in thought overlooking the hills. It’s nice to actually absorb where you are sometimes rather than do things just to tick them off the list. So we stayed there for a bit learning about the history behind it, which has something to do about corals (You read the wikipedia page, it probably explains it better than I ever could…) and then went home.

Somewhere in Bohol...

Actually that’s a lie; we took a detour down a side street towards Albuquerque. Not the American town, but a Filipino one in the south of Bohol. This turned out to be what Will Smith would describe as ‘South Central…Bohol’ and was ever so slightly dodgy. Of course being the oblivious bastard that I am I asked Doug to get off so I could stretch my legs, waving like Borat at everyone and taking photos.

We didn’t get robbed at knifepoint, gunpoint or pinpoint, and successfully made our way back. We did see some random bamboo bridge as well. Here’s another photo to distract you from actually doing work:

Me on the bamboo bridge with my Chiang Mai FC shirt and my fake Bulgarian trainers...

Our final day in Bohol involved alcohol, watching MMA on the TV, McDonalds ice creams and chatting on the balcony. We even tried the ‘Superior Tanduay’ because we are rich (Well, Doug is...), and that was pretty much it really. I would recommend listening to some Eminem until I get the next blog post up. If you are looking for a recommendation I would suggest ‘Soldier – G-Unit remix’…

I'm a soldier... G UNIT! Started my own gang...