It is never considered polite to have sex with a banana on a bus.

This is why I come here; to read combinations of words would never think possible, and which would never be possible, anywhere else.

Treat it like your best friend, give it a name

I once knew a man who called his cock Rover, and went around showing it off and giving it commands like a dog. "Down, boy!"

I tried once to explain to him that cocks were not dogs, and that they were not capable of the thought processes needed to respond to commands. But he insisted all the same that his cock was his weiner, and that it was the best weiner for miles around.

That was the last time I saw that guy and his cock. Later that same day he was arrested for strangling Rover in public. I guess he got frustrated that it wouldn't stay down. There were pictures of him in the newspaper right above the headline... Peter Johnson Arrested For Choking Chicken. And in small text underneath, "Children Bystanders Traumatised." Made the front page. Slow news day, I guess.