Ah, the hippopotamus. I first heard about hippos as a child thanks to the classic song, "The Hippopotamus Song (Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud)".

The delightful (no, really - if you want a pick-me-up, give it a watch) video conjures up sugarplum visions of hippo amour, which in reality, I am reliably informed, is a terrifying and terrifyingly noisy affair that most humans would want to steer far clear of.

Photographing hippos

Perhaps continuing the theme of what happens when those of us with photographic skills which would make both National Geographic and @johannvdwalt cringe, I thought I'd treat you to some of my better hippo photos.

This isn't one of them. Someone much more skilled than I am took this photo.

And this one, considered a hippo "money shot". Hippos yawn all the time, not because they're tired, but typically because they're showing dominance. Look what big teeth I'VE got, Grandma! I've often seen hippos yawn. I have zero photos of hippos yawning. I have the reaction time of a sloth when it comes to taking photos of hippos yawning.

Here are some of mine.

Here's a truly typical photo. That's what the river looks like once I've picked up my phone, unlocked the camera, aimed it and hit the shutter. Hippos know.

Look just to the right of those trees in the centre of the photo (see the three hippos? No? Don't feel bad), then a bit farther out to the right (see that lone hippo? No again? Don't feel bad about that either).

Okay, here's a slightly better shot of a hippo. Still can't see it? Seriously, don't feel bad. It's in the lower centre of the photo, eyes and ears sticking out just below that fallen tree, glaring balefully at our boat.

I actually have much better photos on film from the 1990s but haven't scanned any of them yet. I had a particularly enjoyable sighting of a hippo in the Kruger Park trying desperately to climb the spillway of a dam and sliding back down over and over. Ah, the days before instant video....

A word about boats and hippos

They really don't get along. Hippos are exceedingly nervous creatures, and arguably not that smart. They'll chomp a boat in half and ask questions later. Actually, they won't ask questions. They'll simply let the crocodiles finish what they started once the hapless humans previously safely above water are flailing around in the water and looking like lunch to Charlie the Croc.

Another word of caution: don't get between a mother hippo and her calf - their charge speed is frightening, and a couple of tons of angry hippo would leave the human pancaked in her wake. The other thing you don't want to get between is any hippo and the water. Going around doesn't seem like a viable option to a hippo on a mission.

Hope you enjoyed this lighthearted look at one of nature's heavier creations!

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