Cryptocurrency Price Prediction - Funny

in #funny7 years ago (edited)

Yesterday at the height of Ripple: Because it was climbing so fast and I had sold mine at 20 cents each for a huge gain - I bought some. I knew the currency, or whatever it is a - centralized token for internet exchange - would crumble when I bought it.
Steemprice050617
Yesterday's Poloniex Chart

So, I did not buy very much. Why do that? All the other decentralized anarchists coins were tumbling. It was very sad :`C and moans escaped my lips. Tears drained down my cheeks and woe and torment assailed me.
imgarcade.com
I knew I had to do something! But what could I do?

Remember I announced that Ripple was a bit high. So, I removed the lucky salt from my head and bought a small amount of Ripple at the highest price and now all my Bitcoin, Litecoin, Dash, and Zcash recovered.

I noticed Steem dropped like a rock last night but I wanted the price to drop so that I could get some more at a reasonable rate before it goes back up. I deserve it.

Just so you know, my psychic powers can be absolutely phenomenal. The things I have done in the past well, I would rather not write about them, not on Steemit.

But the fact is, you should follow me and upvote me because I am rarely wrong when it comes to future events.

I have excellent analytical skills, from the writing of software logic for decades. If I am upvoted very high, I will publish this information on Steemit and if not, well, knowledge is power and information is unavailable to most people especially in the form I get it.

Oh if this is not true, I hope you laugh because just stating this should be hilarious to most traders of just about anything - crypto especially.

Jarts!

barefootgentile.wordpress.com

No, I am completely serious. I have a set of Jarts - any of you remember the lawn darts game from way back when? you tossed the giant Darts into a circle target.

Well, I have a holy area out here on my farm/ranch. It is blessed and contains cryptocurrency symbols and up and down arrows. When I toss the giant dart, or Jart, blindfolded and after having been spun around three times while chanting

"Saint Andrew and Saint Matthew guide me toward the value of ____ cryptocurrency."

If the Jart lands outside the invisible blessed circle there is no change in price.

my church
The blessed holy circle

If the Jart lands on the up arrow, the price...should be traded on the margin and if it lands on the down arrow kiss your ass goodbye.

Ouija board

ouija board crystalinks.com
You should see it when the game piece floats in the air.

This system is then verified with an Ouija Board and our personal poltergeist, which is very destructive destroying windmills, cars, stripping people nude in it's violent wind, causing it to snow on days like today after I enquired of it yesterday and it said, "Do not buy any Ripple!" And then it screamed, "Do not buy any Ripple!" And so on. So, when it is that vehement because it is the evil soul of a murdering rancher who slaughtered men, women, and children pioneers and burned their wagons, I always do the opposite of what it says. And then exorcise it, which I am getting much better at over the years.

poltergeist 365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
Yes, putting up with this just for perfect anti-forecasting at our house requires a lot of upvoting!

Dice Tosses and Quarter Flips

quarter flips
Then there are the random dice tosses and quarter flips. These are all time consuming because the lights must be shut off for accuracy and then turned on to see the results. Sometimes it is ridiculously difficult to find the dice or the coins as the poltergeist hides them. It is expensive because a priest or nun is the only ones who will operate the light switch.

Black Magic Mirror

mirror - afridiziak.com

After that, comes the black mirror future viewing vision. The is very difficult, takes a lot of energy, and requires one to "Search the Future" within the spirit realm, purgatory, the world in between, and other various names for the same place and is extremely dangerous so it should pay a lot. A guy can be killed in there you know.

Horrible Side Effects

catatonic - architecturalstudio.com

Spiritless body drooling and incapable functioning sitting in a catatonic state for days, weeks, months, even years - much like a over the road truck driver after President Obama signed the Commercial Safety Administration Act of 2010 in 2012.

minion - fanpop.com
So, that is how it is done and of course I left out the parts that would allow you to do it correctly so you must turn to me and upvote my posts to a very high level, follow, resteem, and basically become minion thralls in order to make your fortunes.

Image Sources:

  1. me
  2. imgarcade.com
  3. barefootgentile.wordpress.com
  4. me
  5. ouija board crystalinks.com
  6. poltergeist 365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
  7. me
  8. mirror - afridiziak.com
  9. catatonic - architecturalstudio.com
  10. minion - fanpop.com
    Thanks @steemitboard for your recognition

Thanks my Steemit friends for upvoting me and I appreciate a resteem and resteem back if I know about the resteem

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Well written article.. Nice job!

Thanks my dear friend @thedeplorable and it really works! the side effects sometimes suck but...we do what we have to

very true! I will resteem for you ;-)

Thanks dear amigo!

Hello my friend

Thanks for this post and the wonderful post
I really liked what I wrote in this post
The selection of the bost is so lovely
Happy day to you and always

Thanks my dear friend @mars9 and I am glad you laughed it up

so whats you next prediction on xrp...

Yes, that is an interesting question isn't it my dear friend @ashwim

I'll never buy or sell again without knowing your most recent Jart analysis.

Excellent work dear friend @ jeff-kubitz, it is always better to take things with humor, have a beautiful day

Thanks for your recognition of my work my dear friend @jlufer and I am glad you laughed. I try to make people laugh and it is good to know sometimes I can succeed

Just HOLD the door.......sorry the XRP

Thanks for your reply my friend @isma, door held ;)

The voices in your head (because there HAS TO BE more than one) should get together with the voices in my head (to many to count) for coffee sometime! LOL
UPVOTED AND FOLLOWED!

I have written much and can create the voices in my head, in there is just old complicated me I will follow you back my friend @gogogadget

but I wanted the price to drop so that I could get some more at a reasonable rate before it goes back up. I deserve it.

You are the gatekeeper of the moon , please let BCN through

Hump, I am the gatekeeper? Cool, @thatmemeguy my friend you will have to tell me all about BCN

Hello dear friend @ jeff-kubitz, how are you,
Just stop by to say hello and leave a beautiful weekend of samanaa

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