Marital Code

in #funny4 years ago

No that title is not a euphemism for something dirty. It also is not describing some boring legal mumbo jumbo about marriage rights and regulations.

"Marital code" is the language many couples speak in order to avoid others outside the relationship understanding what is truly going on. It is also a way to remind each other of an inside joke.

Pig Latin is great "marital code"... until the kids learn it.

For example, when I have reached my limit and I can no longer spend one more second in the presence of my father-in-law, I will say, "I really need to go into work to do my lesson plans for next week." That signals to my wife that if she wants to maintain the detente between my father-in-law and I, we better be on the road within 15 minutes. Anything more than that and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Although this system has worked incredibly well, it can become awkward if I try using it after 9:00 PM. In that case I just whisper it to my wife and let her figure out our escape plan.

She's actually really good at escapes. She even has the map of her parents' house and a list of viable excuses tattooed on her back just like the dude in that TV show Prison Break.

By the way, this was great how for one year. But after they had to escape from their fourth prison, it got a bit repetitive.

She's not bald though.

Over the past few years, we have developed another code:

"That guy would make a great dad".

Although my wife thinks he is a "great dad", even Brad Pitt doesn't understand this code.

What the heck does that mean?

A couple of years ago, I was driving to a pub quiz with my wife and another married couple. While my buddy and I chatted in the front seat, our wives sat in the back. (I swear we aren't sexist like that. It just worked out that way... but isn't that what every sexist would say? Oh no! Never mind.)

As we drove, there was a lull in my friend's and my conversation. As a result, we heard what our wives were talking about.

Channing Tatum

Look at this dude. I can't even be mad at my wife over this.

This was around the time Magic Mike 2 was released. Apparently Channing Tatum was making the talkshow rounds in order to promote the movie. Coincidentally, both of our wives (who never watch talk shows) happened to see Mr. Tatum on TV the previous night. Wow! What a surprise!

As we continued to eavesdrop in astonishment induced silence, we heard our wives recall how charming Channing was. They were also quite impressed with how witty and caring he seemed. They continued talking about how talented he is, what a great dancer he is, and how much fun all of this movies are.

Then one of them (we still aren't sure which one)said it.

"He just seems like he'd be a really great dad."

Great dad? Bwaaaa haaaa haaaa haaaa. They said "great dad"!

Simultaneously, my buddy and I lost it. We burst out laughing so hard that I nearly had to pull off the road. That may have been the biggest pile of horse shit I have ever heard in my life (and I have to listen to students' excuses for missing work every day).

We knew what they meant. Heck anyone in the world who happened to over hear this incredible meeting of the minds would have picked up on it instantly.

They thought Channing Tatum was hot.

Fair enough.

He's relatively young. He's in great shape. He's never farted in front of either of them. Of course they were smitten with him.

My friend and I are adults. We had no problem with our wives being attracted to a Hollywood star. We are secure in our respective marriages. He posed no real threat to us. So why the B.S. that they were interested in him for his fantastical parenting skills?

Although we weren't upset about their being attracted to an actor, we were quite annoyed at their insistence on lying to us... and themselves.

We playfully began berating them for trying to justify their attraction to this man.

We explained how superior us men were in this conversation. At least we were honest. When we see Scarlett Johansson, we don't say, "She's got a great set of personalities." We just let it be known that she is really hot. I'm not saying that I become crass or disrespectful to the woman in question... or my wife. If asked, I would simply say, "She's a very attractive woman".

Ahhh the hallmark of all good mothers: skin tight leather and a gun.

But I certainly wouldn't try to justify the attraction by creating some fantasy where I know her true personality and parenting prowess.

After fifteen minutes of debate, our wives' denials finally relented. We had won. We got them to admit that they thought Channing Tatum was hot.


How was that a win?

Damn it! For all of these years I thought I had won that debate... but all I did was get my wife to say she thought some dude was more attractive than me.

Wives are smart.

Anyway... why did this come up today?

Earlier today, while we were watching the preview for the new Avengers movie, my wife leaned over and said, "I think Captain America would be a great dad."

I'm sure they are talking about taking turns changing the baby's diapers.

I know dear.

Do you have a "code" in your relationship?

Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

By the way, if you thought this story was funny, you should check out these funny posts that are being compiled daily.


Hhh funny
Nice ..These things are shared by couples that strengthen the relationship
Wonderful .. Well done

Hahahaha the truth here... having used that exact line with friends I suppose I never realized how silly it sounds until this moment. Very nice sir, fallowed and looking forward to your future posts.

hahahahaha omg no words to say 😂 best one

wives are smart 😂😂

Oh I think your wife and I could have a very long conversation about Channing. Please show her this video...
Don't listen to the words just let her watch it. LOL!

actual footage for my wife and I putting our LO down

Funny nice jujupinto85 I love Indiana jones

hahahha awesome

Can't imagine what the diaper change is like.

That second gif hahahahahaha. I needed it in my life. <3

Truly enjoyed reading this today.
I don’t have a relationship though hehehee
I have a code talking to myself when I had enough of some friends

My dose of Channing Tatum is served... with Captain America as desert. Yum

You're welcome. LOL

yeah hehe

Bro i need your help please support me and vote my posts please

LOL. I like that.

I meant to say I am not in a relationship ATM, for sure had different codes in each 🙈🤣 but the one I am codeing to myself is priceless

My Profile have many fuuny post can you visit my profile?

collaborate with someone who needs help @mammasitta @hanshotfirst

Haha this is great. These types of things need to happen in order for a relationship to add some humor, me and the lady both have our celebrity exceptions as well. Hers is Bradley cooper, while mine is scarlet Johansson

My wife and I possess some kind of marital code for example if i say a very hot woman instead of saying shes hot i would simply say youre more beautiful than her... Sounds awkward especially ib public places. Likewise when she see father material instead of saying that he could be a great dad, she simply smile at me... damm is that sarcasm anyway in our marital code we simply laugh about [email protected]!

O dear yes, he would make soooooo much more than just a good dad hahaah - enjoyed your post


You made my day with this post.

Really Channing Tatum and Capitan America could be good husbands and fathers, for meeeee (bachelor girl). Hahahaha.

It seems that it confirms again that as we usually say in German it is translated as women love with ears and men with eyes. It had to be that after that talk show your ladies found him hot. It is really true that with time you develop your code, as to us, if my hubby had enough from our guests then he says: I think the weather is going to change as I am starting to have migraine and because he is really a human barometer, nobody suspected anything till now.

LOL. That is brilliant!!!! I love the teamwork involved!

HaHa @hanshotfirst! Yes, you nailed it with this one :) I'm grateful that I happen to be married to @joechiappetta, who also happens "to be a great Dad" ;)

Well played!

Hey @joechiappetta, check out what your wife said about you!

HaHa @hanshotfirst! Well played indeed :) Thanks!

On a side note. I see you are an educator. I am part of the @steemiteducation team. If you ever write any educational posts, use that tag. If we miss it, please drop a link in our daily post and include that I told you to drop it there.

Ok, thanks for letting me know. I am now following @steemiteducation. Will be checking it out. I homeschooled my kids, as well as teaching at private schools, so I'm sure I can come up with a few helpful and entertaining thoughts to share :)

I read this on a whim, not being married myself (nor old enough to even consider such a thing) but ended up thoroughly enjoying it! I suppose it is relatable in a way as to a lesser extent, you have the relationship code as well. Anyway, I've subbed so keep great stuff like this coming!

Thanks! And you are very wise. Marriage and kids are awesome... if you are ready for them.

Agreed if you are ready .. thats the main thing ..

i must say, enjoyed reading ur post
n I say again , Scarlett Johansson is damn hot

So funny.....and so true. I found it hilarious that you guys eavesdropped and I think you got found out - hence the "he's a great dad" code. Pretty funny having to stop the car - I know how that laughing goes! lol.

I try to have "code" phrases and words, but my dear husband always ruins it by saying "What, what?" And of course everyone stops talking and looks at me so I can't repeat the code or say anything except maybe "inside joke" It's at those times I want to kick someone leg under the table, but with my luck he'd say "What did you kick me for"???

Maybe the kick is your code.

I've developed the "hell eyes" look and it works sometimes.... :)

Haha merital code and inside jokes are the best. We have this thing where we bang the glass on the table if it’s empty. signifying that the other should fill it. We’re not assholes of course. It’s a running gag about another family where the man of the house would actually do that to signal his wife his glass is empty and needs a refill.

Also, what is it with the relation between men and their father-in-law.

That's pretty funny. I bet you have races to see who can bang their glass first.

Now that WOULD be funny ... milk moustaches and everything !

OH MY GOODNESS! I am cracking up out loud! This is one of the BEST posts I've read in a few days! I totally can relate to ALL of it! My husband and I have been married almost 17 years, and I totally understand the In-law escape plans! And the "Great Dad" part is hilarious! (My "Great Dad" actor is Chris Evans!) LOL!
Thanks SO much for all your fun posts! You are one of my favorites on Steemit!
P.S. I am @hotrods mom, and he thinks you are the coolest! Thanks SO much for being so good to him!

Yeah I don't know how my wife gets away with it but I think she has more than me!

It is awesome that you and your son are both on here. That is so cool! He seems like a really great kid. I responded to him the other day and told him I hoped his steem would set him up to pay for his education.

He actually writes and conducts himself on here more maturely than his age. You should be proud.

This post has been upvoted and resteemed!! I also started following, funny and cool read. Thanks for the entertainment fir sure!

In the morning, read funny posts

This was a great post. I may steal the "great dad" code.
Me and my husband don't have any code words that I can think of but we use a second language as our marital code. My husband is hispanic so he is fluent in spanish and I have been trying to learn. I have noticed that the phrases that really stick are the ones that I want to say to him when we are out and about and I don't want the people around us to understand us. Luckily for us the majority or our friends and family don't speak spanish so this has worked out well.

Nope it is not about diaper. It is about having date with other that makes him feeling awkward, confused and crying. Anyway this pics are too serious but you make it funny. This is your skill which is precious. Making such type of memes can gain your creativity. Rofl

You had me laughing in a number of places... 'great set of personalities' - I know some people like that... true story.

But this...

"I really need to go into work to do my lesson plans for next week."

I do hope your in-laws don't start using Steemit because everything is there... forever, on the Blockchain!

actually really good story i enjoyed reading it

Lol what a great post it has made me start the day off with a smile so thank you.

HA, this was too funny. Over the years we have some of those as well, though I can't think of one to save my life right now. :P

Yes we do but sometimes it is just the eyes 👀 or a quick scratch on the thigh and then we know it's time to go. Ours is more silent but effective lol

hahah lot's of humour in there lol

The story was pretty funny. I had a good time while I was reading. ''Damn it! For all of these years I thought I had won that debate... but all I did was get my wife to say she thought some dude was more attractive than me.'' Here is where laughing at times. There is also a great dad I can not escape. but it remained a good memory to tell you. hope marriage is always happy and fun in this way.

That was funfunfun!))

wow I like that.

so funny. Everyone must have his or her own way of expressing feelings or hinting at them.

Good Read, definitely deserves an upvote. :)

Excellent writing, nice post, thanks for sharing

this post make some sens of humor but also use some code when hide something infront of people in add some same later in each word.

Very funny !!!!! Thank you ..for shareing sir 😊😊😊😊😊

:)) new goals in life!!

haha i liked it black widow stealed the show

haa haaaaa haaaa :))

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Outstanding post and narrative. Thank you for sharing!

interesting, amongst the few post to be read completely. I didn't get when i came to the end. These codes are practiced in every home.

Great post,am really suprised i didn't know married couples have a code,its really funny

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I laughed out loud reading this story. It was so funny. LOL. =))

Nice article

and what a great set of personalities does Scarlett Johanson have indeed! I reckon i could stare at them all day, and i mean it in the least sexist way possible :)

Loads of codes in the relationships.. Now everything is securelock using finger print.. lol :)

LOL, the humor in this is so good. I'm not married, but marital code sounds like something I will do.

Married life is so difficult to manage 😏

Great read

hahahahaha. now this is really a good read. and yes every relationship ought to have its code you know? like "we" communicate. for my relationship, the code just flowed right in. as for your wife and buddy's wife being attracted to Channing? like you said 'a mean' ;-)..just that, o well they know their reasons for not owning up.

This is funny. We have no codes yet but after reading your post this might be helpful @hanshotfirst.

This was really #funny even the title of the post and the meme make me laugh 😂😂😂

True depiction true words true world and true fun. Lets get some more from you.

Hahahaha I laughed with my heart!! -Even though I kinda hate Channing Tatum :/

Hmm this is awesome, i enjoyed rrading it, though i dont have a girlfriend or wifey , but still helps

Lol I love your post, well done.

See, now these are the types of posts we need more of here on Steemit.

Married > 20 years now...not sure we have a code like that. We have looks. And we have things we use to embarrass the kids (especially the teens). But don't think we have a code.

Awesome story, and yes, I can relate.

Whenever I start meeting other great writers here, and in places like the NaNoWriMo groups I joined last November that seriously upped my writing game, I love how much we get each other. For example, one new writer friend of mine was joking how much of a marriage is just waiting to see who caves first & finally does the dishes. And then I was like, "Roommates did that, and then they started eating out instead."

And she goes, "That's when we start neatly stacking the dishes on their bed."


omg this is so funny..i laughed till my stomach aches..very hilarious :)

Can't believe I missed this post. Secret code for when you're married or even in a relationship? Brilliant!
I'm in a 18-month relationship & yes, the father-in-law....ugh... Definitely need to get a code word for, "Let's get the !#$# out of here babe"

I'm going to have a chat with my significant other about getting us a few code phrases. Brilliant! :)


I pooped today. It was so fun.

Why did the Seahawks pass the ball?

Every exciting and intimate relationship usually have marital code. In mine, we have a password. Wanna know it? Inbox me. hahaahaha.

keep sharing, more power!

I am sooo with your wife, he would definitely make a 'great dad', both of them in fact, hahahahahaaaaa!
Oh wait, code, that's what we were talking about not the ridiculous muscles...never mind.
Oh yeah, code is essential in long term relationships. I mean if you don't have some secret words or hand movements for certain situations I'd say you are well and truly screwed. For instance...not sure if he'd want me to share this, but I've had a few and I"m feeling chatty so...when my hubby, whom I love and adore, has had one too many and I know he's about to say something not exactly appropriate, there is an affectionate knee squeeze that I give with a great big smile, that the rest of the world will interpret as "Aw, they're being affectionate" when it actually means "CEASE ALL CONVERSATION". He completely gets this cue, and will literally shut his mouth until he's either had some time to find his sobriety or we've made our exit. It's perfect.

Please follow me and like my posts

I see you put a lot of time into this post and as a thank you will post you a video of a band I know called Sicknote and is titled Ring ya Dad .


Great story - it really made me smile.

I'm not sure my wife and I have any code speak. I tend to say exactly what I think... which is maybe why we don't go anywhere. :-p

Of course, maybe we do and I've become so accustomed to it that it doesn't even register as code-speak any more. After ten years I'm sure we've developed some kind of custom couples-talk. :)

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