🍁 Canadian Humour. We Got Jokes!
Here in Canada we like to laugh, we don't take ourselves seriously almost to a fault and we're always joking around.
This post is inspired by @fat-elvis and his contest that was asking for people to submit jokes about Canadians.
So this post I thought I'd carry that theme and tell ya a few Canadian jokes tonight.
First let's start with a Canadian pickup line..
"Girl you must be a maple tree because I'd definitely tap that!"
And now some Canadian Zingers
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian
What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?
A Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste
What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?
A canoe tips
Who would win in a fight, Justin Bieber or Chad Kroeger?
We all would
How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
Say in a calm voice "please get out of the swimming pool"
How do tell a Canadian abroad?
They're the ones that thank the ATM for giving them money
What did the Albertan ask the Eiffel Tower tour guide?
How many barrels of oil does she pump a day?
One day Canada will rule the world and then everyone will be sorry
And a few jokes maybe only Canadians will get..
A Cape Bretoner walked into the local Welfare Office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "I'm here to pick up my welfare cheque, but I really hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job."
The person behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing! We just received a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and the suits, shirts, and ties are all provided. Because of the long hours involved, meals will also be provided and you will be required to escort the young lady on all her overseas holiday trips. The salary package starts at $250,000 a year with room and board and bonuses."
The Cape Bretoner said, "You've got to be bullshitting me!"
The clerk behind the counter said, "Yeah, well you started it.."
Why do First Nations people hate snow?
Because it's white, and all over their land
There's a couple at an airport in the states waiting to board a plane to Europe. They look over to see a line of Canadians, all dressed in parkas, waiting to board a plane back to Canada.
The wife says, "I wonder where they are going?" and the husband replies, "well I guess I'll go ask them."
So he strolls over and asks the last person in line "where are you flying to?" And the fella replies, "Saskatoon Saskatchewan."
The husband walks back to his wife and she asks, "so where are they flying?" And the husband replies, "I don't know they don't speak English."
Why do Canadians prefer to do it doggy style?
So she can watch the hockey game too
What does the U.S have that Canada doesn't?
Good neighbors
Last one
What happens when a person from Windsor travels to the U.S?
The average I.Q of both countries goes up
Hope you got a chuckle. If you have a Canadian inspired joke please leave it in the comments.
Thanks eh,
Banner by @bearone
That one about Chad Kroeger made my day
An old one:
A man walks past a drunk who is sitting on the street curb, looking up into the sky , and muttering to himself. In the very point that he steps past him he realizes that the man is muttering "It can't be done. It just can't be done" over and over. It makes him pause for a moment and, as most people do when they see someone concentrating at something in a particular direction, the guy follows the drunk's line of sight up towards the clouds where he sees a billboard that says, "Drink Canada Dry".
How ya get a one armed newfy out of a tree?
Wave.
How'd ya sink a sub full of newfies?
Knock on the door.
How can you tell the bus is running late in Canada?
An orderly line has begun to form.
Brilliant humor
Thanks for checking out my post!
Perfect end of night read for this guy. I'm going to share some at work tomorow. See you big guy!
If you hear any good ones at work come back and let me know!
I would have thought that it's the smell that's similar bet a pee and a beer..let alone canadian😎
" I am A Little Upset" lmfao thats funny as hell, bad thing is I can picture it in my mind......
Yeah we protest hard here. We say please and sorry 😂
Awesome man, a few really awesome ones in there.
Yeah I tried to use a bunch hoping everyone would find atleast one funny 😊
I tried to get into this post, but I'm having Nunavut.
That's a Brilliant humor looking funny @goldenarms 👍👍