Reasons why I'm secretly a bogan (Caution: Australian slang throughout)

As I kid I rode dirt bikes in a zoned-off stretch of dirt parallel to a highway. We eventually couldn't go there anymore because the cops cordoned it off.

Had a mate named Danny.

Never wore sunscreen despite there being numerous government campaigns.

Played with "bungas".

Rode my bike to the servo to get a Slurpee and rode back one handed without a helmet and wearing a cap.

Lived in a granny flat.

Watched the entire 1st season of Big Brother and liked it.

I never called my brother by his actual name. Called him "Matty".

Brother joined the military.

Own a Ford Falcon.

Voted for a candidate I didn't know a lot about.

Family drops C-bombs a lot.

Considered calling my first born daughter Stella.

Has a mate from Goulburn. The shitty part of Goulburn.

Never returned library books.

Growing up in the heart of the Western Sydney suburbs my primary school was an ethnic melting pot. I was surrounded by multiculturalism. I had an Indian friend who told me stories about his Indian gods and their elaborate mythology. I had Serbian friends who bristled at the mention of the war that had displaced them. They talked of atrocities. I was 10. I was taught by a beautiful Brazilian woman and shared a classroom with a Chinese boy who didn't understand a word of English. When we moved further west from the city we also moved away from a deeper cultural well. Our new home was Penrith. At my new school my friends were all white. My teachers were all white. All the kids said "shit" and "dickhead", there were more bullies and everyone talked about their dads. No melting pot. No difference of opinion. Just the suburbs.

Opened a packet of chips at Woolies before buying them.

Bike has been stolen twice.

Don't talk to people on public transport.

Avoid eye contact with police.

Know every square metre of every shopping centre within a 20km radius.