Lost In Translation: Comedyopenmic 46

Living up North has turned me into an analytical being. From the moment I set foot outside my door, I'm faced with cracking the code that is Hausa language. With motorcyclists it's pretty easy, just say "inakwana"(good morning) then "lafiya"(fine) to whatever he replies, however, it gets complicated with bus rides.

I think I've handled myself pretty well considering the circumstances. Sometimes the bus conductor would say something that doesn't have "cudi" (which I suppose means money) in the statement. I'd keep quiet for a while and observe his countenance, if he doesn't look offended then I guess he was talking about something else that I'm quite frankly not interested in. When I'm close to my stop, I say "akway" (which means a lot of things including I have, do you have? and I will stop...) then the name of my stop.
Bus rides are the worst for me, sometimes I'd be on a bus and the everyone but me is fluent in Hausa. Now people around here are very presumptuous, as far as they know, everyone speaks Hausa so you're met with Hausa and not like in a slow paced "you're an outsider" tone, you're thrown straight into the deep end. I hate long bus rides because I always seem like the asshole that doesn't give a shit. Don't get me wrong, I don't give a shit but I'd like to do it willingly. On numerous occasion, there'd be a joke said in Hausa everyone on the bus would be laughing, exchanging banter and just having a good time, and then there'll be me, just sitting there. Sometimes, the punchline would be so funny that the next guy would nudge me on the side like "aye, that shit is fucking ridiculous right?" and all I can do is crack half a smile with that "I don't know" expression on my face.

There was this one time, I sat beside one dude, a real chatterbox, rambling on and on about some shit I don't know about. I didn't know he was talking to me at first, I assumed he was talking to the driver until he turned to me and expected a response and I was like "yeah" and he smirked, shrugged his shoulder and continued talking. At this point, it was too late to back out. My escape from these conversations is "ba Hausa" (no Hausa, indicating I don't speak Hausa) but at this point, it'll be offensive to even use that card. I was sat there, having a "conversation" or at least acting interested and this man was rambling on and on about politics. I know it was politics at this point because somewhere embedded in his statements, he mentioned Buhari. There was no way out now, just keep listening, nodding and hope for a miracle. I got a miracle; another guy in the seat behind either countered or supported his rambling. I can't say, it was all in Hausa and it happened so fast.

I'm surviving and quite frankly, I can't say I've learnt any Hausa other than a few greetings and some profanities that come in handy when I'm clowning. I'm here and I'll learn at some point I guess.

I nominate @anouk.nox and @detlev to make entries for this round.