Conversations with myself
Wrote This While back. Felt like sharing it on here. Enjoy the conversation
Me(emotion): she’s the only one we’ve thought to be worth it so far
Me(reason): yes but we are not ready for another disappointment right now. I think we should just respect ourselves and leave the walls up.
Me(emotion): well that’s just convenient right? Of course why wouldn’t we want to do just that? You are a coward after all
Me(reason): what’s your problem? Don’t you call me a coward. I’m just being reasonable here. How many times have we been shattered and had to put ourselves back together again? Is it wrong to just avoid the fall? I mean to hell with all the talk about taking risks. This is not a risk worth taking.
Me(emotion): oh! You think so? Why then do we hesitate for some time before going back to the hostel after classes? If we are really not into the whole thing why then do we care?
Me(reason): well it doesn’t matter if we care. The fact remains that they don’t just worth it. I mean we’d waste our time and energy caring for someone who in the end would just end up with another? Or worse take us for granted? Hey, if you haven’t already figured it out let me tell you again; we can’t afford another disappointment again.
Me(emotion): what? Oh, now we’re pulling the ‘been hurt before’ card?
Me(reason): we are not pulling any card a… and what does that even mean? Why would you just come up with shitty annoying concepts?
Me(emotion): what annoying concepts?
Me(reason): the ‘been hurt before’ card? Really ? where d’you hear that from
Me(emotion): whatever. don’t change the topic of discussion here –
Me(reason): there ain’t no topic of discussion here. What you are suggesting is something we would not just do
Me(emotion): so we’d just waste this feeling?
Me(reason): feeling? Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Feeling, what the hell is even wrong with you? Who talked about feelings now eh? Ha!
Me(emotion): don’t be dumb. We don’t have to be talking about anything. We like her and that is the simple truth.
Me(reason): well here’s the complicated truth… it doesn’t matter.
Me(emotion): so we are just going to pretend to not have any feelings?
Me(reason): huh
Me(emotion): how long do you think we’d be able to keep up with that?
Me(reason): been doing good so far
Me(emotion): that don’t answer the question and don’t sass me
Me(reason): I’m not sassing you, I don’t even know what that word means; but we’d keep it up for as long as necessary
Me(emotion): that’s not a direct answer…
Me(reason): that’ the only one you are getting.
Me(emotion): we are going to die a lonely man
Me(reason): I hope not
Me(emotion): but you have to have noticed she might like us too
Me(reason):grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Why are we still talking about this?
Me(emotion): just making sure to make an effort. At least I’d be able to say that I tried so when we are fifty and gray we’d have every idea who’s to blame
Me(reason): don’t worry, there’d not be any blame passing around
Me(emotion): you’d think so
Me(reason): I’m done talking to you.
Me(emotion): you can’t be done talking to me. We are the same person
Me(reason): arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! What did I do to deserve this?
Me(emotion): we decided to like someone –Me(reason): I WAS NOT ASKING YOU!
Me(emotion): but I’m answering you anyway. What you gonna do about it? is it not the truth after all?
Me(reason): we know quite well it can never work why then are you troubling my life?Me(emotion): we don’t know that. we’ve been too scared to try
Me(reason): could you please stop saying we are scared? We are not. We are being reasonable.
Me(emotion): keep telling yourself that. Just keep lying to yourself.
Me(reason): since you wont try to understand me, I’m not even going to try to explain to you anymore. Just do what you wanna do.
Me(emotion): once again, we are the same person. I can’t do what I want to do and you do what you want to do. It’s not possible.
Me(reason): whatever.