30 Days Without Masturbating
For a while now I've been accomplishing "30 Day Tasks" in an effort to combat boredom and provide an outlet for interesting reading/writing material. As I sat down and started looking into this whole 30 Day Challenge epidemic, I quickly realized that I was turning into a basic-ass-bitch. Literally nothing I was doing was interesting so I shall not be posting any of that dribble. However, there was one that was particularly entertaining to me of which I shall reveal the details of during my journey below. Enjoy!
My first 30 day journey went through with complete success. I was pretty pumped about the results and knowledge I gained from the experience. This then led to this spur of bullshit "Challenges" I tried out over the coming months. These aren't really challenges per se as most people call them, but more like the equivalent of a participation award given to anyone who shows up.
Like most brilliant ideas that come to mind, I decided to jump right in without analyzing the potential flaws or negative consequences. I'm an action based person. I have worked in the corporate environment for over five years now. I know what it's like to talk about a bunch of shit and get no actual work done. So when I get into something, there's very little thinking that goes on. I just say fuck it, go for it, pivot around the obstacles and track results.
Without hesitation I decided I'd cold turkey masturbating for 30 days. Here's the quick breakdown by each week for the four week process:
Not a lot of great stuff happened in Week 1. Like Christmas music playing before Thanksgiving is even over, it was too early. No real cognitive benefits took place and there were no real noticeable changes. I actively avoided talking to women who I thought were attractive so as not to be tempted by the fruit of the devil. The urge to masturbate was not strong with this one.
Again, not too terrible of a challenge at this point. I began to notice small changes in terms of happiness in my relationship (did I mention I had a girlfriend who had no idea this was going on at the time? - whoops) and motivation to accomplish other things. I believe this was mostly onset from not constantly jacking off to freakishly huge computer based titties (aka porn). There's some evidence to support the notion of ED caused by over-stimulation of watching porn, but I'll leave that for the scientists. I definitely saw a change in what I was being "turned-on" by now, and it was incredibly different than what was going on previously.
Week 3 came and the metaphorical shit hit the fan. Not only was I battling a girlfriend with unlimited amounts of sexual desire, but EVERYTHING became increasingly sexual. Daily household objects, dreams, foods, you name it. My immediate thoughts raced towards "How can I fuck this thing?" The madness was setting in and it was winning.
I remember sitting in a meeting one day. It was one of those "Why the hell am I even here?" meetings - a complete snooze fest. The presenter got up to write some words on the white board. Pretty standard. I don't remember the word exactly, but she wrote something on the board and it began with a big ass "W."
This wasn't your average looking "W" like the Wonder Woman logo - it was emphatically curved and droopy. The edges of my vision blurred. My thoughts were in a torrent of chaos and confusion. My hearing weakened as the giant booby-like W began speaking to me in Parseltongue. It was the most erotically unexciting event that took place and the urge to break the streak had never been stronger. I eventually regained focus after some internal monologue, which mostly consisted of me asking myself "WTF is wrong with you!?"
Aside from the ridiculous sexual antics I noticed the urge to have physical intimacy was much stronger. Breaking the porn-addiction was mentally freeing and I felt more primal. This, I believe, was a positive step that would pay dividends in the long run in my relationship if I could fend off the ferocious female tigress clawing at my door every night.
I also noticed increased levels of energy and found women more beautiful in their natural state. Instead of being chained by the shackles of stimulated computer screen watching, I seemed to be more pleased or more easily aroused by simply gazing at my surroundings.
Week 4 was surprisingly easier than the previous weeks. It was very similar to the feeling you get when you're almost done going for a long run. The finish line is just in reach and you get a sudden burst of energy to drive it home.
Don't get me wrong, the urges of the dreadful Week 3 were still in full effect, but I was able to batten down the hatches and stiff arm any foreign invaders from infiltrating my progress.
This was great and all, but a new challenger stepped into the ring. I now had to fight the lingering creeper effect to stare at women in the office and on the street. No one wants to be known as the fucking dude who's cat calling and staring inappropriately with a "we both know I'm intently looking at your ass and I don't give a shit" gaze. Fortunately I was able to stave off any/all HR violations and no known restraining orders were filed.
One last note: a major benefit, albeit ridiculous in nature, was the amount of time I regained at night instead of searching for the perfect porn video. I don't know if many women know about this, but guys probably spend more time looking for the right porn to watch than it takes to complete the task at hand. The time-spent-searching-to-masturbation ratio is prob like 15:1. 15 minutes spent searching for a good movie to one minute of depressed masturbation. It's a hilarious waste of time that was better off spent sleeping.