"Dear shitface" - My open letter to Mark Zuckerberg - Comedy Open Mic Contest Round 5 Entry

As you read the title you probably already know why as Mark Zuckberg's facebook has lost at least 43 Billion Dollars in Value following a data preach scandal, this is my open letter to Zuckerberg.

Dear Shitface:

Not long ago we were bending over backward as you gave us that sweet privacy dick up in our flowery vagina on a bed of roses, before you pulled a David Blaine on us and had Cambridge Analytica Firm turn this into a surprise butt sex.

To those who don't know what pulling a David Blaine is: It is when during sex when the partner isn't watching you pull out and tag in a friend (In Arab cases a cousin) and let him finish the rest. And to those who don't know what Anal is: Ask your mother and the local paper boy what that is.

Anyway Zuckberg, in a good morning Britain poll 78% labeled you as evil, which you know is true when rotten teeth British people call evil, you probably are. the Dorm room kid with a dream has become the back room business with elbow fetishes, those are Kim Jong Un numbers, and all that guy did was deprive his people out of water and food, kill employment and kill large number of north Korea citizens, but seriously, Privacy of people posting their half ass naked pictures and sharing pictures of drunk teen.

We believed that our information would be kept secret and only shared with who we choose, sure every day I saw ads about tips for virgins to get laid or ads for "Jew haters", But I know you were only trying to get me products from companies that understand me. Sure you removed historical photos of human right abuses in Vietnam of the famous picture of the napalm girl, But who cares about those people anyway, they're all Chinese with extra layers. You've live streamed footage of human rights violations, but hey at least it wasn't one guy who committed suicide

Dear Shitface, you've become a greedy-ass suit. you're that 17 years old teen who accidentally took his dad's Viagra pills from the house maid's room and can't stop masturbating in our faces, Michael Bay with open budget, you're Bill Cosby in an empty pharmacy, you're Harvey Wienstien in all women cast movie set, I should probably stop................ You're Kevin Spacey in a kindergarten.

Basically you've become like those unfunny people flooding us with your work by force, like Amy Schumer, Adam Sandler, The Big Bang Theory, or those people with Dmania tag. bought whatsapp because it was competition, stole all your competition's special features. I'm gonna reactivate my Facebook just so I can delete it again. you remind me of my dad's priest, all fun and dandy at the beginning and then in one night walked into my room and asked to do the "Zuckerberg" and now we're both crying in separate showers washing shit of our dicks......... GODDAMMIT UNCLE TOM YOU TORE US APART!!