Netflix Plans To Release 435 Original Snuff Films This Year

in #funny6 years ago (edited)

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Netflix and chill? More like Netflix and kill!

Today Netflix CEO Reed Hastings announced that everyone's favorite online streaming service will release 435 original snuff films this year.

Can you say awesomeness?

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For cinephiles like me, this is a big deal. After the success of hit series' like "Orange is the New Black" and "Stranger Things," the company decided to step its game up in terms of original content. When it comes to drama, Netflix has already proved they have what it takes to make great shows, so film fans everywhere are eagerly anticipating the innovations the company will bring to the snuff film genre.

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Hastings told reporters earlier today that Netflix would be partnering with FX to bring the dreams of young, talented murderers to the screen. Before fielding questions from journalists, Hastings emphasized that his company was working tirelessly to provide consumers with the vile content they crave. "We are currently in talks with a Bulgarian mass murderer who suffocates his victims with plastic bags. We are also working with a visionary serial kidnapper from Syracuse, New York who tortures his victims with lit cigars before burying them alive".

Can we just watch these snuff films now, please?

In a follow up question from one reporter, Hastings clarified that while only 435 snuff films were slated for release this year, even more snuff films are in the early stages of development should this gamble pay off. While details are sketchy at the moment, Hastings noted that Netflix is seeking talent both behind and in front of the camera. Rumor has it that the media company is giving a green light to Andrias Antonesçu, the legendary Romanian filmmaker/kidpnapper who has successfully kidpnapped several Turkish pop stars, a Latvian pop star and several members of the Belorussian middle class.

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Assuming the rumors are true (and let's hope so), movie lovers are in for some fiendishly entertaining snuff films the coming year.

Lurid voyeurism FTW!

But perhaps this is too much of a good thing? There's so much content nowadays. Experts say we are reaching "peak tv" and with so many great snuff movies to choose from, it is hard to keep up with each and every truly wonderful and sick film. No doubt it will be a challenge to stay up to date with all the latest snuff films while continuing to view all the great documentaries, series and snuff films I currently watch.

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All I know is that this time around I don't want to be left behind. I remember how it felt to have nothing to say around the watercooler when all my co-workers were discussing the latest riveting episode of "Breaking Bad". This time I'm determined not to be in the dark even if it means bingewatching a few hundred snuff films in one night.

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