Ding Dong...The Year Is Dead
Ahhh...2016, the year of the poo tossing psycho monkey according to the Chinese calendar. I am so incredibly glad, elated even, that it's over. I feel like I should be standing on a rooftop all Rambo style, shooting my billions of rounds I have draped around me like a cold scarf of death, screaming "Sayonara, motherbleeper!!!!!!". But, I digress. While a whole host of stupidly crazy stuff happened this year ( to the point of causing my motto to become "Holy Cheese and Sprinkles!" for fear of permanently warping my children's innocence), a few good things also occurred that effect us all.
1. The Election Finally Ended
Oh I know, you might be thinking that it's a terrible thing and your candidate lost, or was stolen from, or was hacked by dirty Russians, etc. No matter how you feel about who won or lost...the greatest thing about it is that it's over. I mean, can you imagine the disaster this country would be in if it had continued for much longer? It would have been yuuuge, seriously.
2. Fidel Castro Finally Ended
Of course, I hate the idea of celebrating or being relieved by the death of another human being. However, when that human being was a ruthless dictator who oppressed, tortured, and murdered his own people for several generations, I feel like it's a great time to bust out the Hokey Pokey. Because if there is anything that this world needs more of, it's less evil.
3. The Mass Legalization of Mary Jane
Now you might be thinking this has absolutely nothing to do with you and it's just plain bad to encourage people to get high when we already have a serious drug problem in this country. However, if you've ever met a stoner, you know they are generally harmless and help the economy by consuming a plethora of snacks and creating crazy psychedelic arts and crafts which they then sell at farmers markets and 420 festivals. Okay, bad joke. But really, the potential medical uses for marijuana and the sustainability of hemp will benefit greatly from it being brought into the mainstream and relinquished of its bad rap.
4. The Cubs Won The WorldSeries
I don't give a crap about sports...at all. However, after trying for 108 years to win the big one, you have to give credit where credit is due. The Cubs genuinely have some of the most loyal and ridiculously patient fans of any sports team ever known to man. Ever.
It helps to find a little bit of positivity! So, tonight, as the clock strikes midnight and we ring in 2017, let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief that it's over and no one fell off the edge of the earth. Here's to the New Year full of hope, good health, and happiness for all!