Where do you stand in FRIENDSHIP?? -by Aristotle the greek philospher

Friendship in childhood is the most truthful, non biased, non judgemental, purest kind of relationship you can get between two human. They're the one I had the most fun with, spent the most time with. I remember all the good times when we used to play rubber wars, sneaking into neighbour rambutan's garden and played football until late at night . But as we grow up, each friend has their own dream and path. We slowly and unknowingly distanced ourselves in pursuit of the wonders in life.

As we grow in life, ugly truth of human nature sets in. The definition of friendship become ever more complex and it frequently involves element of MUTUAL BENEFIT , SOCIAL STATUS . Or PLEASURE. Here, I would like to pull out an old ancient book lasting 2400 years ago, quoting from Aristotle on classification of friendship. Which still stand true until today.

1) FRIENDSHIP OF UTILITY

Aristotle teaches:

“thus friends whose affection is based on utility do not love each other in themselves, but in so far as some benefit accrues to them from each other" Consequently, in a friendship of utility, “men love their friend for their own good… and not as being the person loved, but as useful or agreeable.”

In this type of relation, two parties are not in affection with each other, but stays in a relationship for the sake of benefit received from other party. Consequently this kind of relationship is not long lasting, and it lasts only as long as the benefit can lasts. This is projected in the next quote by Aristotle :

Hence when the motive of the friendship has passed away, the friendship itself is dissolved, having existed merely as a means to that end

We can observe such relationship to be common among older people. For example, businessman and your work colleague. So yeah, this kind of relationship is purely superficial, and where two party do not accompany each other much, but only engage in friendly intercourse when there's benefit involved. Their expectation of pleasure is no more than the personal gain they received.

This kind of relationship can be seen as evil and manipulative. But in a neutral standpoint, we do do it in everyday life. How often do you have to ask for help cause of some problems you can't really solve? We all do need help in our lives, as our capability to solve a particular problem is really limited to our expertise.

IMG SRC : http://thereitis.org

2. FRIENDSHIP OF PLEASURE

Aristotle observes that :

And similarly with those whose friendship is based on pleasure: for instance, we enjoy the society of witty people not because of what they are in themselves, but because they are agreeable to us. As with utility, in the friendship of pleasure persons love their friend not for the sake of the friend, but for the sake of the pleasure received

Pleasure can be categorized as one of the benefit/utility received from another person. It is comparable to the friendship of utility, it is short-lived and only lasts as long as pleasure continues. This type of relationships are mostly seen in young ones. As most of the young ones are living based on emotions. And they spend most of their time pursuing what is pleasant for them, an object of the moment. That's why teenagers can be found most actively in drugs, video games, sex, and etc.

Since their pleasure alters with what give them pleasure, they form friendship on and off. Which amusingly, comparable to the volatility of bitcoin price, all time high in a day, crash to miserable low in another day. They form attachment quickly and abandon their relation as quickly too,often changing as fast as dressing and undressing.

IMG SRC : http://thereitis.org

3. FRIENDSHIP OF GOOD

This is the relationship we all have been looking for, the purest and most satisfying relation you can get from another human being. This is even outlined by Aristotle as the perfect friendship and the most preferable out of the two described above.

He observes:

The perfect form of friendship is that between the good, and those who resemble each other in virtue. For these friends wish each alike the other’s good in respect of their goodness, and they are good in themselves; but it is those who wish the good of their friends for their friends’ sake who are friends in the fullest sense, since they love each other for themselves and not accidentally

Rather than mutual benefit or pleasure, this type of relationship takes time to build and it is based on mutual sharing of same or similar virtues. Both parties are pleased with one's action to another, as it resembles each other and reflecting the virtue underneath. It's like you're knowing that they won't behave outside of that virtue, keeping each other pleasant as both parties know which line shouldn't be crossed and when to offer help.

It is also the most ever-lasting satisfying relationship as people only appreciate scarcity over abundance. And it can only be built when you see the worst side of him/her, and saw them slowly grows out of that or both of you experienced and endured the difficulties yourselves. Most will flee from problem of course, those who stays are the rare gem. You can surely expect them to fight alongside with you, laugh through the hardship, hand in hand sailing to the place you never imagined possible before.

Interesting enough, Aristotle also noted that :

there can not be a large amount of friends in a virtuous friendship because the amount of time and care that a virtuous friendship needs limits the amount of time one can spend with other friends

This is understandable as one's focus can't be divided into too many. When is the last time multitask works well for the quality of your work? Many studies found that multitask only undermines your work efficiency.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct01/multitask.aspx

The same goes to quality of friendship. As one cannot be in love with many people at once, cause love is an excess of feeling and meant to be directed for one person only. It is very hard to please everyone that meets the apple of your eye and at the same time treat your bestie very greatly. It takes time and effort to understand someone and become familiar with them. But the beauty of all of this, this type of friendship automatically includes the two aforementioned type of friendship, both pleasure and benefits.

IMG SRC : chibird.tumblr.com

So be honest with yourself, which type of friendship are you in right now?

Even Camila Cabello agreed finding real friends is real hard..

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