A Broken Friendship and Regrets left behind by A Dark Journey

Friends are like treasures, they are so hard to find. So if you have them, never lose them and value them like one.

Do you agree?

For me, I do. I'm not quite sure if I read it somewhere or I just thought about it but I do agree to what it means.

I once had a friendship I thought I would never lose, that we would be forever until the days of old. Unfortunately, I broke the bond with them when I had messed up my life. We are inseparable, at least we were. Though we had a rough start, -being the childish little bitches that we were we never get along, but eventually we became very close friends. Our little group started during elementary, it was around grade 4. We even made a name for our group (it's very lame I tell you!), it was of our first name's initial "LM3J2" (Lora, Mae, May, Monic, Joana, Jesshia). Hehe, told you it's very lame. But whatever, it was what our very creative mind (please note the sarcasm) that time could came up with. And so, our group was created. What made us closer was our passion for dancing, we would always do a dance number whenever there was a school ceremony or event. We would hang-out at May's house sometimes to practice (a little), but what take up most of our time was chitchatting, laughing, joking and doing foolish things for fun. We would schedule some weekends for picnics, watching movie, or just to hang out. We love talking, what we plan for the future (namely high school), food, dance routines, food, school works and food again. Yep, we love to eat too, another thing we have in common but aren’t we all? Stuffing ourselves with junk foods and whatever dish we could cook up everytime we're together. That was our routine until we finished elementary. But good times and good things didn't really last, for high school was another story.

Are we excited about high school? Very!! During grade 6 (last year of elementary), it was a non-stop planning for our high school life. Gushing about how we would perform better during events, on what category we would join (CAT, majorette or Band), what sections we would be in and so many things I lost count of. We wanted it to be the best because as some people would say "High school life is one of the best part of our lives". But nobody warned us about the hardships of high school, with the combination of puberty, pressure and school work, it wasn't easy. The 1st year was still good, still the same routine with a little additional pressure. The 2nd year started great, a new member was added to our little group - her name's Donna. But just like our group, school work and activities also keep on adding up.

It was near the end of the 3rd year when I started losing it, I’m falling apart and crumbling inside. I don't know the exact reason or reasons why, maybe the pressure at school to keep up being an honor student, the family problems, my personal issues or all of them. Despite that, I still keep up on being my bubbly self whenever I’m with them, but pretending to be the same could only last so long. Battling your personal demons was frustrating, so I started distancing myself, I no longer join the dance, I would find excuses on why I can’t hang out with them, in short I pushed them away. What an idiot, right? But can you blame me? I was afraid of another rejection, I was afraid that maybe after all those years of friendship they would still reject me because of my flaws- and I have many. Wonder what the “another rejection” means? Well, I am a product of a broken family, my father left us, disappearing in our lives forever choosing his other family over us -but that is another story for another time. Back at the topic at hand, I was a fool, they offered me comfort, yet I shut them out and told them that I don’t need their help or them. But it wasn’t the only thing that broke the bond that we had developed over the years, it was also my foolish acts. I hang out with new “friends”, I found somewhere where I thought I “belong”. We did things I never imagine I would do. We cut classes, sneak out of school, drink alcohol, smoke and even joined some minor frats (fraternity), it was my downfall. From an honor student to a deliquent, such a shame. Disappointment adding up to the turmoil inside me. They (my friends) eventually stopped trying to make me go back. I plunged deeper into the darkness, forgetting about the plans we had before, the happiness they brought me, the true friendship that they offer. I was thrown to the last section during 4th year because of my misbehaviours during 3rd year and because my grades plummeted to the bottom, distancing me more to them because they were in the 1st section. And my misbehaviours continued until we graduated and I never got the chance to reconcile with them, to apologize for shutting them out and wasting our almost 6 years of friendship just because I became a self-centered bitch. It was after graduation that I was able to fix myself and the regret and guilt finally caught up to me. But they were too far gone then that I got no chance to fix my mess.

This is one of my greatest regrets in life, and until now I still carry this burden in my heart not being able to let it go. I hope someday I will have the courage to face them and apologize, I know I won’t be able to mend the friendship we once had but I want to at least show them that I regret everything I did especially leaving them behind and breaking the sister’s bond that we had.

So my advice to anyone who’s having a hard time now, accept the comfort the people around you is offering, don’t shut them out, instead let them in because they will help you through the dark path you are currently walking on. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it doesn’t make you vulnerable, it makes you stronger. So whatever you are going through, don’t give up, FIGHT! Not just for yourself but also for the people around you. Keep God always in your heart (because it was also another thing I forgot that time), always pray for guidance and strength. He will never leave us, it is we who leave Him but still He will always accept us. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. I hope you picked some lessons on this journey of mine.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed and I gave you something to think about. Have a great day everyone.

Another thanks to my mentors:
@Ankarlie
@iwrite
@purpledaisy57
@antonette
@bobiecayao
and others...

(Photo is mine, created and edited thru PhotoGrid)