'Chances Are' - a Poem - Freewrite #12
you could be laughing
65% more of the time."
you could be ten percent
more sure
that ninety is enough
to know enough,
you could be twenty-five
or fifty
of a whole
at either age,
suppose the rest is later.
you could mow the lawn
at thirty three
point three percent
the speed you do,
then sit there wondering
where the afternoon
has got to.
you could make up less
than one
in every hundred anecdotes
or people;
I could be the other
ninety-nine
or none.
so much of us - so many.
we could both obsess
far less
for numbers.
with the prompt, "40 % off".
Inspired by a post of @wordymouth's from yesterday, but also my friend in music,
the incredible John Grant.
The first stanza is a beautiful micro-poem itself - this is more than math, - it's wisdom!
I love this piece!!! The way you're talking to your reader in the beginning, and as soon as you know, that they love you already, you are saying:
Unfair, unfair, mister!
And then you're united with the reader in
You know what, this stanza is literally saying to us: "Shhhhhh! Stay Silent, stop speaking" - I don't know if all the "Sssssss" sounds were intended, but they work as a sibilance, if you read the poem out loud, your words speak to me!
The piece feels personal, it's like having a conversation with you, Lazarus!!!! I guess the secret is in "we both"...
There is one thing that bothered me though, haha, again the line break between "thirty three" and "point three", - this "point" word so wanted to join the previous "three" and not to be cutt off this cruel mercilessly ) But that's just my weird perception, I'm sure I just din't manage to figure out why it was done here...
Thank you Katya, you really do see through behind the words :) The sibilance at the end is well spotted although I hadn't even really registered it at the time - the sentiment you suggest is exactly as I'd hoped. The phrase just felt natural and now I can see exactly why...
My reasoning for breaking the line between 'three/point' is that it emphasises a duality between age/percentage which I'd started to establish. It does sound a little abrupt but sometimes these jolts can be just enough to keep the reader active, which I suppose it has done here in some small way, even if you didn't quite dig it ;)
It clicked as age for me because I'm 33 )))) ahahaha, I didn't want to mention it, seemed egoistic... But this age is somewhat important! The age of Christ - we say in Russia, by this age a person has to stop doing all kinds of stupid things and should finally settle down and find themselves. Lately I was thinking about me actually finding myself just by this age, you know, I've changed my profession from economist (hated it) to teaching Russian as a second language (I've graduated at 33, ahahahahaha) and as soon as it happened I went public with my youtube channel, inspired by a bunch of my students )
Ha, it turned out quite selfish, you see )))
Sounds like you've lived quite the life already! Economist to language teacher, that's a big step, but a respectable one for sure. I've considered teaching English as a second language before but am not so sure I'd make that great a teacher. I have quite a roundabout way of explaining things, haha.
So cool that you're on youtube - I don't think it's selfish at all if you're helping others with your knowledge :) Feel free to drop a link if you like, I won't judge!
Numbers are just numbers until we attach value to the time it refers to or perhaps value to the objects or people we have around us. At first it felt like a reminder about procrastinating or viewing things positively. Maybe it means more. I'm sure it does. In any case it's really cool in many ways.
Very clever title too. It starts me questioning right from the get go
Thanks mate!
This is the issue I was really trying to hone in on, how its easy to get lost, worrying too much about time spent or money earned or what age you happen to be. Valuing quantity instead of quality, which is of course a sad state to find oneself in.
Appreciate your perspective and kind words. Hope your weekend is off to a good start!
You got it across nicely my friend. I wrote procrastination but the word I was looking for was perhaps more distraction. We need to re-evaluate priorities and question why we have certain priorities. In so doing we also grow. Thank you always for your creations!
Lovely poem
Thanks for stopping by!
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