Many times when I read the stories that have the beginning of an author but the continuation of another author caught a narrative leap. It is logical that this happens because they wrote two different people.
Regarding your continuation of the story, I feel that the narrative link is forced. For that reason your story at the beginning is not fluent because it seeks to adapt to the elements that you want to place in the end and at the same time to the elements that the obligatory drama has. It is my humble opinion.
If I read only your story, I would tell you that it is perfect.