Freewrite #2 - Blue
(Photo Credit : Oliver Cole)
freewrite
Blue is an ambiguous term that has multiple meanings.
Blue is a color.
Blue is a mood.
There are dark shades of blue.
There are light shades of blue.
That applies to both the color OR the mood.
So what does Blue mean to me?
Blue has been an unquantifiable state of being for over 25 years. For me, blue is definitely a mood. I suffer from clinical depression and have been on medication for over 10 years now. Since high school, I’ve had these things I call “brain clouds” (Joe vs The Volcano reference). It’s this feeling of guilt or loss that just hovers over me like a rain cloud.
Ace an exam? The cloud does not leave.
Promotion at a job? The cloud remains.
Death in a family? The cloud grows bigger with lightning.
Some people wallow in their depression. Society tends to give the term a bad rap. It’s considered taboo in America to “be depressed” and that somehow it’s a choice.
So here’s the news flash :
There are two types of depression :
Situational and Clinical.
Situational Depression - This is a type of depression that happens because you gambled your money away at the casino, your significant other left you, someone died, etc. In other words, situational depression is dictated by choices either in your control or out of your control. These are societal factors that contribute to it.
Clinical Depression (which I have) is physiological. In my case, my brain does not produce enough of a chemical called “serotonin”. I eat broccoli and other foods that might trigger more serotonin to be released, but these are the cards I’ve been dealt. I’ll be on medication to regulate those levels until I die (again).
/freewrite
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Is a very difficult thing to share any part of depression. Most people don't understand it or can't conceive what a chemical imbalance is like. It is a very annoying thing to have someone act as if you can control something that is completely out of your hands. I admire your bravery and appreciate you sharing. I hope we can have good dialogue in the future.
I have a feeling we'll be chatting up a storm pretty soon!
broccoli increases serotonin?! I had no idea! I agree with @agirlis - very brave of you to share. I think many people could learn from reading your post - its not as simple as "just think happy thoughts" or "go out and do something different". Have you been having positive results with the meds they're giving you?
Yeah, I'm pretty aggressive about those that "poo poo" on depression. I make no bones about the fact that I have it. Damn sure am not ashamed of it and am very aggressive in my explanations about what I have and how I fight it every second of every day. If people want to give me crap about it in person, they usually get a knuckle sandwich!
Broccoli isn't the end-all / be-all. It helps. It's one of many things I do. If I go to a place like Red Robin, I ask for the bottomless broccoli, instead of fries. I get brocc/cauliflower any place that offers it (sit down or fast casual). I try to go for a long walk at least once per day. I have this app, called JobSpotter. It's made by Indeed. Anyway, I find a "Help Wanted" sign, snap a pic, upload it to the cloud and they give me a point value. They then convert those points into an Amazon gift card.
I've turned mallwalking into a video game and figured out how to get paid for something I have to do every day anyways. The exercise (while exhausting) combined with diet and meds help me fight the depression. When I'm well medicated, it's all good. When I'm not, it's ugly. LOL.
I'm on 11 different things (depression, cholesterol, blood pressure and a bunch of other garbage.) Steemit, JobSpotter and an occasional Postmates run are all I got right now. LOL. I expect a full article on your event!
Ill take a page from your bravery book and admit I used to be one of those poo pooers. I dated a guy in college who suffered from anxiety and depression, but I always thought they were excuses and cope outs. We got into a fight that turned into a screaming match over the phone one night and I just kept pressing his buttons bc I thought it was fake. He ended up in the hospital that night. Granted, he was cheating on me so I didnt feel THAT bad at the time, but looking back - I was horrible and not understanding AT ALL. I'm glad Ive had a chance to make amends on that one and take the time to learn about the actual chemical imbalance that has nothing to do with the person's free will. Too bad he hadnt been strong like you are, and just smacked sense into me.
I love how you take your every day challenges and turn them into productive activities! Anyone would be doing better if they just ordered broccoli instead of fries! I cant do it. This JobSpotter app sounds pretty cool, too. I would like to find ways to turn what I do anyways into money, as well. There was this one weird thing in NYC - if you caught someone double parked that left their car on for more than 3 minutes you could report them and get $100 each time. I dont know anyone who actually did it, but I wonder if LA has any similar rules? @nutinbutdatruth found some random survey thing that also pays in amazon credits. Ill have him send you the info on Discord. Lastly, I just signed up for the @smoke.network airdrop thingy. I cant say what itll turn out to be, but Im all in for earning free Smoke Coins before the ICO.
oh man, im getting nervous. saw an article in the paper yesterday - they expect 100k people!!!
I'm going to try and make it to the San Diego meetup in May via Amtrak. I'm going to do a D-Tube series on mobile app reviews and JobSpotter will be the first one, I just have to master my phone functionality better.
Takeaways :
a - I'm glad you evolved.
b - It's ok to be that "poo pooer" as long as you learned from it
c - Cheating dudes are lame as hell
d - Hopefully, he's evolved a bit too
e - If I don't create productive activities, my brain will rot
f - don't even get me started on parking tickets and the city corruption. it's insane what i know.
g - not very savvy with the crypto speak. i care about nuking my steem power so i can help other minnows.
looking forward to meeting people in Whittier tomorrow. Are you gonna write a Bonsall AvocadoPaLooza article or what? I want pictures of Hess Cados and tomfoolery!
technology and i do not mix well. good luck with figuring everything out! Dtube doesnt always load for me for some reason but ill definitely be looking out for your post on JobSpotter.
oh, i dont get crypto either! but its a way to earn free coins that could turn into decent money in the future.
the festival was so busy! constant foot traffic by the booth all day - i didnt even get to eat, never mind leave my spot lol. i dont have enough photos to make a decent post. sales wise, i think i did pretty good considering most other vendors were complaining they didnt make half the money they did last year and one guy didnt make his booth fee back until 2 hours before the end of the day. i almost ran out of business cards which might be a good thing, or not. sometimes i just take a business card when i feel bad for the person but i have no intention of ever buying anything from them. only time will tell!