Exploring the Disappointment and Sadness

Disappointment is the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes and expectations.

There's often a strong correlation with the intensity of the hope and expectation to the emotional experience of disappointment.

I kind of got hit in the face with this the other day. The experience was somewhat blindsiding. It was heavy and really there was a deep experience of loss.

Initially I couldn't even make sense of the scope of the disappointment. It was a lot to digest. For a moment I was bothered by the feeling of sadness.

I recognized an interesting thing within myself:

To some degree or another I've always had a real issue with sadness. Like it's been a point that's been immensely frustrating to me. I could see bits and pieces throughout my life where basically I had moments of sadness...and I was so bothered by the experience that I simply crushed it in like a way of fighting fire with fire. I realized I've always been somewhat uncomfortable to explore the depths of sadness within myself.

Even saying the word "Sadness" is annoying to me. It kind of makes me angry and upset.

The word, sadness is experienced in me as such weakness. Like it's this very inferior thing...this very inferior way of existing. A real tragedy that should never happen according to my thinking, hopes and expectations.

The irony here is that so much so the holding onto the experience is a result of consequence...and actually being stubborn to recognize the communication here.

The communication always starts and ends with ourselves. Our capacity to share and relate with others, stems from our very self-communication and introspection. This is a challenging thing, because there's a restlessness energy that stimulates movement in mind and body which makes it difficult to focus on the deeper layers in the mind, body and being trinity of ourselves here. It can be quite extensive to the point where our ability to hear and listen is always in a state of compromise. Where our every participation and interaction is limited to the scope of the undercurrents of our deeply imbedded, self-compromise.

This is why we live in such an era of, medication.

The difficulty in slowing down enough to process all our baggage can be very challenging. It should always be the easiest thing ever. It really should. Like just a simple thing of basic accounting. Example:

What am I experiencing?
What word most accurately describes the experience that comes up in me?
How can I utilize this word and this moment of experience as a stepping stone of support in expanding my utmost potential?

This very starting point structure can save a lot of time. Saving Time, from the perspective that you can actually learn and grow quite quickly...at a seemingly endless exponential rate as, The Human Experience is like this process of realizing our interconnectedness as the world here.

By asking and processing questions, this is an active way to directly engage, unexpected movements....and experiences within ourselves.* Our Feeling is a communication network. Everyone and everything is connected to/as this Feeling Network. It's a sensitivity.

By being conscious of our, feeling network, we have the opportunity and ability to care for ourselves and each other in a most optimum way. It really does start within ourselves.

I can see a point of having just buried responsibility for my feeling network...as I experienced it to be such a liability and a distraction to my ability to function without being bothered. Little did I realize that I had never really realized that consequently of this relationship I formed to the feeling network that I've been controlling myself within a limited range of experience. In a way kind of being numb and insensitive to the scope of my ability to feel.

I recognize just how bothered I've been by the unpleasant experiences, shocks and trauma's to the extent that the attitude and position has been to destroy anything and everything that in some way hits on my deeply suppressed and depressed feeling sensitivity.

It's kind of interesting the experiences I've gone through - very consequently. There's some interesting realizations here as it's been a journey through complete darkness. I never had full comprehension of what the fuck I was dealing with. My attitude and starting point has been directly conditioned to my feeling sensitivity network. It's interesting because it's always been there...a strong awareness and communication with my environment....but my best living has always been somewhat less than my most optimum from the perspective to always being so sensitive to everything and not really realizing how to analyze my own date...how to really do the math...how to actually see for real.

It's like I had created my own filter in my participations in this world because I had defined within my own mind that sadness and anything with a low like experience to be torturously ungodly and not what I am interested in. Ironically this conflict about sadness and disappointment has somewhat kept me very close to these very things I despise.

Going deeper into the, psychology of self,

Words are Alive.

Words are specific data bits.

Each word correlates/connects with a sensitivity. Each an every word has it's own depth. Each and every single word is like a multitude of universes within universes...this deeply multidimensional Life Force that's interconnected as a part of all Life here.

Musical Notes. Each word being like a scale of sorts. How the scale is balanced depends on our understanding and knowledge of the definition. It's quite interesting here because there's much room for expansion and creative possibilities within and as, *Definition(s).

What I realized about myself is that, sadness and disappointment are 2 words....2 musical notes. To very deep musical notes. These notes really press deep in the, feeling network. The interesting thing about these notes and notes in general is that there's a whole frequency range of experiences in the spectrum. It's all the color and all the sound. This is kind of a huge point of recognition - because each Bit stands as a representation and presentation of the entirety of the spectrum and every other word/note/scale/octave....it's all mathematical harmonies. Interestingly enough...some of the harmonic relationships are even very specifically structured as disharmonies...where there's this resonance. The resonance functions as like this wall as a sort of dissonance in a frictionless exchange and movement. Where there's a sort of resonance...there's a kind of distortion.

It's interesting to reflect into the mathematics of our language while keeping in mind the feeling...and our sensitivity to feeling words...and the specifics of the sounds as our tonalities we use in how we play with what we say. There's so many dynamics to a single word.

It's incredible really what we can get out of deep digging into our personal histories within any given word. The most impactful way to begin a deep dive is to ask yourself what words really disgust you and or make you angry and frustrated. The point here is to identify words that create a strong trigger within yourself. It might even be difficult to acknowledge what words are somewhat uncomforting and or unsettling.

Alternatively, another way to begin the deep dive exploration into a word and world body politics as who we are within and as Information here is to identify some of your favorite words. By identifying some of your favorite words. you have a working foundation to begin with some follow up questions.

Applying the structure of questions to both your good and bad words:

Why is this one of my favorite words? How does it support me? What is it I specifically like about the word? Is there anything here in regards to shaping "identity"?

Do I define the word as positive or negative?

can I see any words within the word...can I notice and similar sounding words in relation to the word in question? If I were to play with the word without really thinking about the possibilities in how I play with it...what can I create? take a moment to explore freewriting.

An example of Freewriting:

Sadness

sad kind of sounds and spells like said. I never really noticed this before. It's interesting because much that I correlate to sadness is that things were said or weren't said and the experience of myself in sadness is to some extent directly related to what I am saying to myself now. What are the words in my head that have been said?

Have I ever really considered how what I am saying to myself as what becomes said in my is and has been a very point of sadness always as a point in my face...im my thoughts...as something for me to actually work with...to in fact direct and realize.

Is it possible that the interconnection within ourselves as a our words and worlds is so specific in the mathematics that if we were to dare to play with exploring our freewriting potential we'd totally change the nature of our everyday reality because of the fine-tuning at play which is disruptive to the somewhat passively conditioned unconscious frequencies of imprisonment within our own minds of what is said as sadness.

Sadness like a sad-nest. A place to sit and stew about the depths of a point that is heartfelt with an intensity and experience of loss. So much of the sadness stems from identity and expectation in regards to treatment. We can see this both internally and externally. It's often harder to see internally because we've been so accustomed to tuning out...because we've bene frustrated...and over stimulated with bullshit in so many degrees...because essentially - consciously or unconsciously every single person is walking a process of refinement.

Disappointment

The diss to the point. It's like a diss to the point in question. Disappointment is like having a sort of reservation and appointment within mind as how things should be and or work...and the disappointment is things not working out according to what we had in mind.

Expectation and Hope are the recipe's of for a good Diss. A Diss is a way to putdown something in a dismissive manner. Where you take something here and attempt to shut it down. It's a sort of censorship in a way...and also the opposite. It's a conflicting point of view. It's in a lot of ways the very challenging of a creation. It's questioning...challenging the narrative on a particular thing. It's a chirp. It can be playful and it can be derogatory. Diss is like "the eyes" of a thing which are changing...being changed with the information presentation has how things are impressionable in imprint.

Disappointment is a let down. Where something was somewhat counted upon and relied upon and it didn't mature, manifest, come to fruition in the ways in which hope and expectation existed in relation to whatever the "point" in question is.

When I experience disappointment, I ask myself why am I disappointed? The answer is specific. It is often the starting point of tuning into multiple different points. Where the disappoint is like the round up whole of a whole network of points that have been disturbed.

Clarity

In taking the time to freewrite communicate with ourselves....to even research a bit more about words....to challenge ourselves to think differently about words....to be creative and playful with our words....

These above things are all stepping stones of support in establishing a groundedness within ourselves where we settle and purify our waters so to speak. It's really one of the most aawesome things I've ever experience. word purification. It's like if we are to compare ourselves to being like these organic robots...and all of a sudden you get an expansion pack which addes in clarity in definition where there is friction and conflict - this is like a resounding advancement in ability to function. What happens is that new expressions and creative abilities open up in our ability to communicate. It's a very multidimensional thing.

Why?

In recent days a relationship that was very dear to my heart totally died. This caused a whirlwind of experience in me. At the core of it all was bits of self-compromise in and as the point of sadness and disappointment.

It was difficult in getting to the core of the issues for myself...because the sadness and disappointment and self-compromised were hiding somewhat with anger and frustration and I had been doing such a good job of hiding my shit...a sort of self-denial....that when I got to the core...of my sadness and disappointment - there was this tendency in my mind to make a big deal of it and react and sort of have my own internal freak out...ironically what the tendency was to keep pushing on the point....to keep instigating the point. I could see that this isn't really the best way I can go about honoring and respecting myself and my body.

I caught myself in a patter of wanting to just press really hard on myself and kind of wallow in a sort of helpless despair. Though there was some discernment here in seeing that outflow...and not really being interested in self-victimizing myself. Realizing that yes a whole bunch of events played out that are less than stellar and even shameful...and kicking my ass about it by circling around in my is not a practical way to live. I realized that I had to get to know these points better....and in a way the play out of the collapse of the relationship was exactly what I needed...because on a deep level there where these bits of shit I had been carrying around as baggage since seemingly forever...in a way always leading to some sort of self-comprise in the relationships held closest to my heart.

So I share as way to show that there's a lot that can be down to support with dropping the fixation on kicking our own ass once we experience the pain and discomfort of those not so enjoyable life experiences as the emotional lows.

OK - I didn't plan on writing so much here - there's more I can say I'm sure - I like to write - I like to talk - I get so much out of it in the moment as expressions of myself. The big realization here today is that I've given myself permission to let go of a self-imprisonment within sadness and disappointment. I realize these things are very much a very real part of living in this world and in all actuality there does exist much sadness and disappointment. I understand this. I also understand that these are simply 2 of the things here in this world and it's part of the whole of everything here. I realize that sadness and weakness are actually strengths of myself when and as I allow myself to be honest about them. that these points are actually huge keys to my best creative developments. Sadness and Disappointment are huge points of relationships and connectivity that the majority of players don't really want to talk about too much and or deal with because the extent of the discomfort is real and the seemingly relentless nature of the mind to move and flow makes it challenging to slow down and process the points.

CHEERS TO AN EXTRAORDINARY 2018

KEEP STEEM N ON