My heart goes out to you and your story deeply moves me. You have faced more adversity in this span of your life than most will face in a lifetime. I am so glad that your mother sought help and that you have an open conduit of communication. Following you.
Dear Wandrnrose - thank you so much. My internalization of self hatred was so thorough that I belived if someone gave me 1 thing I had to give them 10 in return such was my self worth. After decades of pursuing healing I can now give 1 to 1 without nervous fear about myself. I can even draw boundaries now which I couldn't do before these past decades of healing. I have much I wish to share in the hopes it will support others who have faced deep challenges in life. I believe more people have suffered in silence than meets the eye. I'm so glad for my mother having sought help too. Thanks so much and many prayers for healing your hip! Following you as well :)
You are very welcome and I am glad you are growing and learning your boundaries. My journey included a 20 year abusive marriage, so, although very different from your experiences, I still can identify with the feelings of worthlessness. I had to learn many of these lessons and to set boundaries, too.
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I feel for you having gone through 20 years of an abusive marriage. I noticed in my 15 year marriage I became the abuser and the abused having adopted the behavior taught to me and having the complimentary results of that behavior embedded in me. From my experience the present will always reveal what's being held in our matrix field from the past. I believe we've all been indoctrinated against ourselves in one way or another...unraveling that and rewiring the consciousness we're holding that does not serve us into something that does is what will allow us to create a better outcome for, well, everyone I think. Have a great day :)
I can relate because I circled through the abuse cycle with 18 separations before finally leaving him for good. I am now in a healthy relationship at 56 years and much more in touch with myself.
Cheers to healthy relationships! Glad to hear it. Oh I relate with going back and forth with the abusive cycle for years. I'm so much healthier than I was.