Finding the right amount of distance in a relationship

Relationships are a tough business. Especially if you are just starting out.

Being a young man, 17-20 years old dating your first woman can be terrifying. Because you are never sure how to treat them right, and how to maintain your sanity and composure.

The problem, of course, is mainly due to all the pop culture bullshit that surrounds relationships. Movies like "Love Actually", "The Vow", and even more nuanced ones like "500 Days of Summer" paint a certain picture of what a relationship should be like, but arguably not one that is holistic or resembling reality.

Furthermore, they can be interpreted in a million different ways. One of the most interesting things is that in such movies, couples are always together, during every frame. A main source of identity for a character is being so and so's spouse or significant other.

What movies don't show often, due to their condensed nature, is the time the characters spend away from each other. There is a lot of focus about what two individuals in love do together, but not nearly enough about what they do alone.

This is the crux of the issue. I see people spending way too much time together when they are dating, and in effect, they lose a lot of the time they have for themselves. This is bad for a plethora of reasons, but I will explain the main three.

The first reason is that the person begins to lose interesting things to say. Communication is essential in a relationship, and when you spend too much time together, it can seem like you know everything about your partner. I think that when that happens, things start to get boring. Imagine spending all your time with someone and having nothing to talk about!

The second reason is that the person spends less time with their friends and family. Everything becomes about the relationship, and outside forces start to resent and blame the couple for spending less time with them. Everyone has needs, and being in a relationship shouldn't cause one to neglect the other people they love.

The third reason is that the person's growth as an individual becomes stunted. There is less flexibility and freedom to what you can do if you are forced to do everything together.

In a healthy relationship, the most important thing you can and should do is to make sure that your needs are being met, and your growth as an individual is not compromised. The only way that you can add value to your significant other's life is by spending quality time with them, thereby making them happier and also helping them with their own path to success.

A good relationship is a balancing act between individual success and team success. As much as you should want to be able to achieve your goals with your partner, what you should really focus on is that you are happy with your career, hobbies, friendships and family.

There is life outside of a relationship, which is why distance is such an important concept. It is more important to spend quality time with your partner than it is to be around them all the time. Being a good partner means that whatever time is you spend is your best. Because you should love your partner and they deserve your best.

Although I learned a lot of this from experience in my previous relationships, if you are a young man, I would recommend reading the book "Models" by Mark Manson. It is a great meditation on how men should behave around women, and I find myself strongly identifying with most of the author's points.

Please post some of your favorite relationship advice below!