FREEWRITE Weekend Freewrite- 2/22/2019
I decided to watch my neighbor all the time. Dog poop on the lawn means that I need to teach him a lesson. There is very little hope for a person like that - their moral compass is askew - so talking to him would be to no avail. I'm going to have to make him wish his dog never pooped at all, a task that was right up my alley.
Watching him was easy. I have a huge bay window extravaganza from which I can see his entire yard. When I moved in there was a privacy screen of some smelly prickly messy pine trees (I'd been told they were blue spruce or something) but I like to see what's coming at me, so I cut the lot down. And just guess what the dog poop lover came to say to me, his brand new neighbor, after I did that: "hey man, there was a nest of hummingbirds in that one!" No thanks at all for opening up his yard with a bit of sun, no sirree, no sun for this guy, only poop.
I can see for miles around. There's the Italian family on the west with the goddamn chickens. Twice now I've had to report a rooster to the cops. His poor kids stood outside and wailed when they came and took the roosters away - that asshole should know better than to try to raise roosters in hearing range of a neighbor. Maybe I'll report him to Child Protective Services. Once the asshole had put together a smoker and would actually smoke flesh and I'm up wind! Called the cops on him for that, too.
You'd think by now he'd have learned some neighborly manners, but no, now with the poop on his lawn. He's trying to piss me off.
Congratulations for ranking in the top 20. Your reward is... I came to a complete halt. "what what what?!!!!! OH THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE HAS DONE IT THIS TIME!" I don't know what my reward will be because the poop lover has started making a racket unlike anything I have ever heard before! Ear splitting feedback blaring into my space! Is there no end to the indignities of living next to this guy? Out the window I see six freaking people setting up a band on the deck! Holy fucking shit this guy has to go, and before I have to listen to a single note of his music, which is probably Klezmer or Irish or Greek or Cajun some other ethnic variety not of my kind. I can only tolerate Frank Sinatra. Now that guy could sing a song.
I get all set with my phone/decibel machine - you never know when you'll be accosted by sound that is over the legal limit so it's right there on my phone's home screen.
the trumpet was loud and I nearly wet my pants ( for real - that prompt is too perfect!). Frantically I take a closer look at his band and see SIX TRUMPETS being raised to six pairs of lips on the deck of my closest neighbor, not 100 feet from where I sit, and out comes an ear splitting sound which I would not call music but ya never know with this guy. I get a decibel reading that is too low to report, and decide to get closer to try and get it up.
Those six trumpeters leave the deck and begin marching toward my property line, blaring like harpies! This was no music! They stand 10 feet back from the property line facing me and my house and make an ungodly sound. I run toward them to get a reading from three feet away (can't go over 45 at three feet away) and cross the property line. Of course this guy has groundhogs (he thinks they are cute!), and into a groundhog hole I step, landing on my rump with my decibel-recording phone held high.
The trumpeters surround me and softly play "I Did It My Way", while my neighbor calls the cops.
I get a citation for trespassing.
I had a devilish time with the second prompt, but boy was I happy with what I had finally written when I opened the third prompt!
The challenge of the third prompt for me was packing a whole lot of action in, which came down to writing a list. It was very hard to feel confident as I was writing that. That would be a nice part to work on.
I also spent a lot of time futzing with verb tenses for all three prompts - might have something to do with the mixed tenses in the prompts.
This is an entry to @mariannwest life changing freewrite challenge: https://steempeak.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/the-weekend-freewrite-2-23-2019-part-3-the-dramatic-twist It's a three part contest, the prompts for each five minute freewrite are in bold.
The image is mine of the closest thing to the trumpets in the story that I have in my house. Thank you for reading!
What a great job with these crazy prompts, @owasco. I have been looking at the posts for this series and they are all strange! Marianne did a number on us again. I was planning to try this week, but got caught up in other things. I could never have done such a great job with it. Big congrats on your curie. You deserve it. Best last line ever :)
Thank you! It seems the Monday prompts flummox me so I usually miss those. I need day off now and then. You have been a huge influence on my journey on Steem. Thanks for that too!
Awesome story, waiting for more
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Thank you for your comment and especially for actually reading it! I'm waiting for today's prompt. I love the freewrites and do them most days.
That was super fun!!! And I am glad the neighbor was able to find that many trumpet players LOL
Thanks! I love the weekend freewrites, they bring out such surprising stuff. Thanks for doing what you do! Freewritehouse has truly enriched my life.
Hi owasco,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Wowser! Thank you so much!
That could be a good one for comedy open mic too :)
LOL, you never know how your plans turn out and if someone else will be faster with their plans :) What a horror to have such relationships with neighbors. I'm now so glad for mine! (Even though he is a moron too :D)
Thank you for giving me a good laugh! Congratulations on your curie vote and have a lovely Sunday!
Thank you for reading my little story, and for commenting so that I can see a human actually read it. I appreciate it! The neighbor I based this on, who was not nearly this bad but he did call the cops on roosters and smokers, has moved to Arizona to escape the snow here. They got way more than we did this year.
I love the rush of freewrites and the interesting stuff that comes out of me. And that curie vote nearly doubles my steem value.
Lovely day to you too!
Some people should simply live somewhere in a wilderness far away from any civilization. I guess this would make everyone happy :)
It was my pleasure! Really funny story to read :)
Keep posting and engaging with the community and I'm sure that your account will grow :) I'm looking forward to seeing you around :)
That was a really good read. I'll forgive you for placing Klezmer and Irish music in the same sentence;)
hahahaha! I actually go to a jam where Irish and Klezmer are both played!
LOL! before I have to listen to a single note of his music, which is probably Klezmer - any hope of sympathy, lady, was tanked there. (Hey. I even like polka. And accordions. To an extent.) I'm not sure I advocate the trumpet revenge but it makes for a good story. :) Well done!
Thanks! As usual, that freewrite surprised the heck out of me. So many diabolical thoughts!
Disclosure: I play the klezmer fiddle some and love the music.
ooh, I love klezmer - and you can fiddle!! - is there no end to how many things I love about you??
It is so mutual!
That was soooo goood
I almost felt your pain but I had to give it up for your neighbour
He got you good hahaha
Here is the next Prompt and once you are done, do go check the @FreeWriteHouse
Lol..... You are really in to do him all that. Hahaha. Yes he is such an ass hole, a moron and probably needs a flaming bitch slap. He is in with this dog poop and it will always make him a jerk. I really love the force you are in with his dog behavior. Teach him the definition of hell
#wedonowrongthing
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my little story!
You are so so welcome
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