Weekend Freewrite 3/17/2018

"How do you do it?" I asked her. "How do you go on?"

"Oh, it is not always easy." She smiled grimly. "Some days I almost do not want to get out of bed. I want to sleep and sleep, until my life is over. I struggle to get up. Thoughts of the past, the things that I have done, whirls in my mind. Sometimes I want to justify it, tell myself that it is all part of who I am. Other days, I wake up and get going with a spring in my step. Everything needs to be done in fast forward. Nothing can stop me on those days. I get more done in a single hour than what I get done on an entire lethargic day. It is not easy living with bipolar."

"But I do it. I go on. I try to live with a certain serenity. I strive for the serenity. If I have a bad day, I force myself to get up, to go and sit and write in my journal. After writing in the journal, I do Bible study. Only God can really help me face ..."

She looked at him and said, “Best not flirt with disaster, let it decide to commit. I am disaster. You do not want to get involve with me. I spend money that I do not have. If you give me your credit card to go and buy bread and milk, I might come home with a few very expensive dresses. My heart might belong to you, but I will break it with the way that I play with it."

Answering her with a gentle smile, he says: "Remember, I am here to help you. While I am not suffering from your disorder, I know a lot about it. I can help to manage it. Most of all, I want to be your friend."

"Ha!", she said. "I cannot even maintain friendships. I am either icy cold or burning hot. When I see my friends, I party hard. I laugh the loudest. I listen the most intently. I love them at that moment, and my heart swells with thankfulness to be with them. However, there are other times that I would cancel a get-together with some little white lie, because I just do not want to see them. I can ensure you, it will be the same with you. I might fall head over heels in love with you..."

"So I might fall in love with you, but you will get to know my dark side. See, this mask that I put on for the world, this is not really me. I always get it right to say hi to someone with a smile. It does not mean that I am a jolly person. I am dark inside. I am twisted."

He gently put his hand on hers, stopping what she is saying. "My dear, as long as you are able to say hi to someone with a smile, you can become light again. See, the reason why we started talking today, is because your eyes twinkled in a very special way. When you said hi to me with that smile of yours, I knew that you had known great pain, but that all is not lost. Let me help you to get better. I am here to save you. That special light that shines through your eyes when you smile...well, that is the Light of a very special companion. He is the part of you that connected with Me. I am your Father, I am your Friend. I personally put that Light inside you. That cannot be taken away from you. And that Light is connected to me. I am here to heal you. I love you, I will always love you, no matter what you have done in the past whilst in the throes of your personality disorder."