Weekend Freewrite: My Mother Lied to Me

Part 1

Your mother lied to you. That’s the truth. She never wanted you to know, and she’d be sad if she knew it had caught up to her.

She was very careful with her past. She chose not to share it, not just because it was shameful and awful but because she had completely changed after you were born.

Don’t be confused, “shameful” doesn’t mean that she was ashamed. Oh no, she loved it! It was thrilling and exciting and made her feel powerful and confident. It was shameful because society looks down on it, not because it was immoral or wrong.

And she didn’t want to decide for her daughter wether this life was shameful or just a shame that people don’t do what they love. She knew that her lifestyle would give you no choice but to follow in her bold foot steps and. Well. What if it turned out that you were not bold?

What if you turned out to be meek and mild. Just like she liked her men. Docile like little lambs, cute and cuddly, with extremely valuable wool on their backs. And who doesn’t like lamb chops...

Part Two

It wasn’t so much that I had been blind to the truth. It was just that I had seen the world differently.

I thought that maybe her past wasn’t so damn awesome and that she had outgrown it. Or rather, you had to keep a constant youth to be able to keep that lifestyle. And we all know immaturity is not the same as youth. There is a certain vibrancy in youth that she no longer had. She was scared and worried. She thought too much about the future and the next day.

I just saw her as washed out and unhappy. Stuck. Wanting to be somewhere she didn’t belong. Stuck in a world she didn’t want to live in.

Nobody told her she had to change her life, she just did it because it was in the stars for her to go nowhere and be nothing. Some people are just born mediocre like that. She pretends like she wasn’t mediocre, as if some act of nature took her awesomeness away. But I think she was always average.

Part Three

Just like me.

I realized that the time Fred went to the car wash and never came back.

There wasn’t anything grand to the occasion, but it left me in full knowledge of how mediocre I am. Only mediocre women can be driven away from without so much as a wave.

I wanted his actions to hurt me financially. To make me sad and depressed, to make me feel something. But it was just like getting your eyebrows done. Ten minutes of awkward discomfort and then the emergence of a way better looking person. And it was actually financially better without him, of course.

It wasn’t even a big deal to get rid of his stuff, it just kind of left. Just put his clothes in luggage and put the luggage in the garage. It might still be there too. I don’t bother with it much.

But yeah. I know why my mother lied. Because she was afraid I would know she was mediocre. A no big deal kind of person. An everyday Sally. Just like me.

I was trying to get the truth, maybe learn how to connect with her. Learn how to be just a normal, no big deal type of person.

We shouldn’t have to hide behind big vague stories that never really happened. We should be able to enjoy being our mediocre selves.

What’s the point of soaring high anyway? All those birds below you block the scenery and there’s no one to chat with. Although, obviously, there’s less poop on top.

Is that what our problem really is? We don’t like to deal with peoples shit so we just stop dealing with people? That must make us better than average and above mediocre right? It makes us a little better that we don’t care about non-meaningful crap?

I’ve always known I was something special and awesome. I know because of my mom. She has the most amazing past.

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This was my submission for the weekend freewrite hosted by @mariannewest. Thanks for reading my story. And thank you for visiting my blog