Yes, a complicated place.
Like you, I don't want to be disregarded as a not-wanted object on the grocery shelf, nor do I want to only have relationships with men based on sex or position or any other objectification.
Actually, your response helps me to understand that this man I wrote about, who is nice enough, but I did turn down in getting to know one another better, probably felt this way to me because in some way I sensed he was approaching me in this objectifying and projectionist way?
Coincidentally, I have been writing much back and forth with another man who is friends with my brother and we are planning to meet in a couple of weeks. With him there are common interests, honesty about our complex lives and thought's and the shared understanding that first we will see about being friends and if something else is born of that great and if not, that is fine too.
All looses it's edge and is not so anxiety producing when we enter in the same way. This other man just saw me on the street, no knowledge of me other than his perhaps being attracted and....?
As I grow older I am not as lost w/o a partner right by my side as I was when I was younger. I can find plenty of interesting things to fill my time and I do have four children too ;) But, I still would like a significant other in which to share both physical and emotional intimacies with. I used to believe that meant sharing house, but do like how you've described your relationship as just fine maintaining your own places and also a few of my friends and siblings agree with this approach. I really do want to remain open and at the same time be true to myself and my own values and, you are right, dating can be difficult!
Now, I have been sitting too long and MUST get off my butt,
Kimberly