Dreaming and Stream of Consciousness Writing
School has started and I must get used to the earlier schedule. Unfortunately for me, I am usually a night owl and still like eight straight, so it will take me a bit to adjust my schedule. As many of you know, I like to pay special attention to my dreams and I also like to write and consider the synchronistic, spiritual and psychological associations between all on a daily basis.
This afternoon, I awoke from a nap and dreams within dreams and waking to journal not only the sleeping adventures, but the first thoughts that emerge from that half-sleep state.
Here are my scribblings:
Yes, we had precious moments, but they have been so long ago, when I still believed in his love of me. Now, I feel I am nothing more than a calf amongst the other 50,000 calves wondering about in their thick, obedient, feminine stances, waiting for a him to devour them, just as my mother tried to convince me I made the world’s best French fries. I think mostly because I'd do it.
My memories are full of holes and so I have learned to both gloss over and rely on linking associations. I am noticing the same old patterns between us in less than a week and his nicely railroading me with his own schedule and desires, me a tetra in a bowl scrambling for the quickly sinking pellets that are dropped at random times. He sent texts, the obligatory invites to tavern nachos and football games, but really it’s not relating to give only the basics--after all, in the dream, my little dog was on the back of a wild horse, the saddle slipping.
My dreams weaving in and out of another were about my daughter Sunny's fort and my back yard tree-house and her pulling me into the back yard to show me she'd pulled the old one down and now it was an inside bed and I kept worrying about whether she'd destroyed the old one and where was it, but she said it was still there, out back, but off of its stilts.
I had been on the side of my parents' house when she led me off and Angel (my dog) and I followed her right then without explanation around the house and back to the Chinese elm of childhood. I am attempting some kind of integration, an updating of past and present for a better future?
I guess I don't look much to the future and am surprised that some do in fear. I suppose if I look at my future fears they would be loneliness and blindness and total invisibility, but I somehow carry a torch of more than hope, a sort of knowing that things will work out and that they always do. That I am blessed and watched over and though I do struggle in learning the lessons set before me, my efforts at spiritual and psychological understanding are great and my solid belief in something more out there in carried over duties of genetic, ancestral code and the viewing of this lifetime as one of many leads me to a more macro higher system and outside of a stream of competing for the prescribed by those who see us merely as producers and consumers (I think many here on Steemit are also outside of that stream).
So even though my writing can seem to focus on negatives, the relational snags and inconsistencies I do get caught in are worked out in my dreaming and writing where I attempt to find the nuggets of truth. I'd like to pull the plug on there being an idea that these explorations of my experiences are downbeat because to me the light ones need no revision--the dark seem the most perplexing for we are beings of light and that for me is the natural state, so our foibles are markers and lessons and I write to share what I have found and to keep the space inside of my brain light. I go in with open heart to the anger, the doubt, the treachery and the lies and in these circles of creative writing and perpetual dreaming I find myself and my connectedness to humanity.
Photo Credit: Javier Allegue Barros/unsplash
I've only started being a lot more active on Steemit since I downloaded an app, so it took me a little while to find this..
Awesome piece! that emotional response without the aspect of being able to put the finger on it is one of my goals in writing. To much mental understanding paves the way for an accept/reject response which takes most of the transformative energy out of it.
I worry too that what I've posted so far dwells on negative, or is overly serious..I do hope to be able to inspire people.. and you have inspired me to write about dreaming which has been very significant factor in my internal voyage. Thank you.
Thank you, @goastrighter for reading and understanding.
I agree with you that all is very complex and we live in the age of black and white, right or left sideswiping, total rejection and knowing and both at extremes can be so limiting.
Glad to hear you too are exploring your dreams. There is so much personal wisdom there, and for me the waking and sleeping realities are becoming one in the same--equally as important in my evolution and much more a whole complex system and not a divided day and night. So, I would say, keep writing what you do and it will be inspiring to those who are willing to venture into the LIGHT of dark ;)
You can get the idea that what you write is what makes the writer. What happens outside of thought, how people move in the world alive, is difficult to grasp here. The many small steps and activities, the laughter and the ease to take for granted, even if the words sound melancholic and the dreams bizarre, are reasonable.
The mood your texts create carries your own handwriting and sometimes I don't even understand the context or the sequence of thoughts. But there is still a kind of understanding and resonance.
I will try to see if I can dream again.
Feel just like you when it comes to starting school. The rhythm is not yet oiled again. It takes a bit to say goodbye to the summer.
I do think there is much to dreaming and there are times mine seem very clear and other times in which I am baffled. But, I do find if I write them down and return to them many of the meanings become very clear--that's one benefit of keeping a journal.
I've heard that about my poetry (specifically)--that the listener isn't so sure what I am saying, but that they go someplace with it emotionally. I consider myself a word artist in a sense--like a surrealist painter and many times layer several strands through one piece. So, I am happy to hear when someone feels some emotional response even if they can't quite put their finger on it.
Guess swirl shows up here too in my attempt at explanation of the process ;)
Yes, it does take awhile to get into that rhythm and as soon as there is no school I easily slip back into the later hours.
Thank you so much for reading and responding!
Much better than to be angry about myself having not understood and then taking up my anger towards you and demand a clear explanation. LOL.
It doesn't matter in which realm this happens. To live up an uncertainty and get along with it is what makes life tasty, if you ask me. We don't know and experience things for sure and in absoluteness. There is always a little uncertainty involved.
Art is full of it and poetry and composing words is an art.
Thank you :) Your response makes me smile :)
Funny how upset others can get when they don't understand--maybe, I kind of paranoia (we all have it, wanting to know and be in control)?
Life ought to include play, and childlike magic like the street performers you attended and shared here on steemit.
I love how you plug into positive vibes. :)
You may check out the next prompt and continue writing: fever