Sugar Cubes -5minutefreewrite

For https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-762-5-minute-freewrite-thursday-prompt-sugar-cubes

Sugar cubes. They don’t help you remember, I don’t think.

The thing is, I’ve been sitting here, feeling overwhelmed by frustration or hopelessness or something, and I don’t know why. Or rather, I felt like I knew why, like there was a good reason to be feeling this awful, but I totally forgot.

Let’s pretend it has to do with entertaining the idea that bitcoin is worthless. In that case, I allow myself to be up to $15000 sad. Which is meaningless. I mean, the sum isn’t meaningless, but it’s a quantifiable number, and that’s nothing compared to the limitless hopelessness I feel knowing my dad is dead. It really doesn’t seem like it can be true. I think because… well, how can it? I just need to practice not asking him questions.

Sugar cubes. We used to get and have sugar cubes just for the horses. Did you know that we had horses on the farm when I was growing up? I think my dad just wanted my mom to be happy to live on a farm, and so we got horses. That sounds terrible, but they were certainly expensive pets at a time when they screamed at each other about money on the reg. But not about the horses. I mean, my dad loved the horses, probably more than my mom, but they got to be “her thing”

I… I mean, she did the learning about training. I don’t mean to be unfair. She just grew out of her love for horses, and my dad never grew out of his love for anything.