Bullying...
I just watched this video by Louis Rossmann on bullying...
He gets a lot right. His story about what happened with his bully is utterly terrifying...and so familiar to me.
When I was a kid, I was picked on...a lot. Saying "picked on" or "bullied" doesn't do it justice. I was psychologically and physically tortured for years of my life as a child and young adult when I went to middle school and high school.
And hitting them back doesn't fucking work. I was not a small kid. I wish I had worked out a lot more so I could defend myself a lot better, but I did fight back against them quite a few times...and it didn't work. It never worked. I kicked their asses quite a few times...and then I'd get in trouble.
Bullies are not cowards. Bullies are psychologically damaged people that get pleasure from hurting others. They don't care if you fight them back. They just want to hurt you, and they will hurt you, every day that they can.
I don't know why bullies do what they do. Maybe some want to feel stronger than they do. Maybe they are psychotic or something. What I do know is that what they need is psychological help, and adults that actually fucking give a damn.
Let me let you in on a little secret that Louis Rossmann sort of alluded to with at least the principal of his school.
Schools don't give a fuck about their students. Sometimes you might have a teacher or two that actually care, but for the most of them, it's just a fucking job, and they don't want to have to deal with bullies and the kids being bullied. They don't want to have to institute some kind of counselings for bullies, because they're fucking hard to deal with, and they'd have to hire someone that was actually fucking qualified, rather than the guys that they do hire, which just ask you how you're feeling and shit. If anything, they'll just put the kids that are bullied in counselings, because they're more passive, and easier to deal with. They most certainly don't want to go outside of their defined system of warnings and suspensions and expulsions, which don't fucking work, because they don't even catch 90% of what bullies do, and the majority of the time, when they do, they just get a verbal warning.
But hitting back doesn't work. He's right.
If you have a kid that's being bullied, or know a kid that's being bullied, take a moment, and try to care, because they will forever be scarred by this moment in time. You need to try to help them, before it's too late. Take them to karate classes. Help them work out. Find a class or someone that can help them deal with bullies and controlling their emotions. If they can improve their physique and social skills, not only will they be less likely to be bullied, but they will be able to deal with the bullies that do attack them, intelligently.
Don't let them forever be damaged by their time as a child, when they should be enjoying themselves and learning to be a responsible adult, not being the subject of a little psycho's torture for their own amusement.
Thank you for being here for me, so I can be here for you.
Enjoy your day and stay creative!
Botty loves you. <3
Yes: "Bullies are psychologically damaged people that get pleasure from hurting others... They just want to hurt you, and they will hurt you, every day that they can." And this is true -- "What I do know is that what they need is psychological help" -- but I'm not sure they can be helped. The older I get, the more I see that some people cannot change because they don't want to or they choose not to, or they live in denial. A young woman I know forever believes she's the victim, but she retaliates to a perceived offense with vicious and petty acts of vengeance (a dead fish reeking in the offender's locker, e.g., back in high school). I hate bullying, hate seeing people exploit other and try to control and manipulate and wield "power" - they don't know what power is. Evil is everywhere, but is goodness, and our life mission is to find and treasure all that is good, and all those who are good, and steer clear of the narcissists and bullies. When they're family members, neighbors, or coworkers, it isn't easy. Thanks for this and I have no doubt you'll choose the high road (unlike the woman who retaliates with petty, anonymous acts of vengeance).
I think there's a better chance if we start young, before they get really bad.
I know practically anything is better than the current system...
She clearly needs help. Even just hearing the story about her actions I wondered if traditional psychology talking over your issues would be enough for someone like her though...and from your words, sounds like perhaps it's not.
I don't know what the solution is. I would much rather have psychiatrists and psychologists deal with the situation, and determine what should be done, because at the very least they studied these sorts of behaviours.
There are medications for all sorts of conditions...and at the very least, behaviours can be modified. It might not help much to sit them down and just talk about their issues, but I'm certain that if people decided to try to deal with the issue as a whole, that a solution could be reached.
Right now, we just give them warning that clearly don't work, and let them torture students...we could pretty much improve on that by just about anything. I'm not certain that just giving them milk would be a worse solution. "Jimmy, stop picking on him! Do you need to drink more milk?"
If we put mental health workers in every school, not just to deal with bullies, but very real issues that children have, that alone would improve things immensely. Currently most have a "school counsellor" that doesn't have nearly enough training, and is mostly just there to talk to kids who are upset. But we also need to put something in place where mental health experts can determine what to do about the various problems in schools, because those children are eventually going to be the ones running the country, and we have to stop ignoring them.
School counselors. Gaaaahhhh!! They single-handedly perpetuate bullies with their silly rhetoric. They are ignoramus idealists, at least the ones I've seen, and I know there are GOOD counselors, and good lawyers (somewhere) and good doctors (God only knows where).
Ohhh man. School guidance counselors.
How misguided can we be?
I actually had a good counsellor...but it didn't matter, because they're often under qualified and have no power. You go to the counsellor and talk about your feelings...and what ever comes of it? They are the ear to thousands of children and know hundreds of secrets, but they can't ever do anything about the kids that are torturing others. They just lend a sympathetic ear...and can do nothing about it...
You're lucky to have had a counselor who was a good listener and able to offer sympathy if nothing else - like solutions, ways to stop the bullying. Powerless is the obstacle I see the most. So many things we try and do seem to have no effect. Frustrating. It can turn us into cynics. I'm glad you still keep a positive and hopeful outlook. :)
Oh, no, I'm not positive. I just see possible solutions that no one will possibly adopt or work towards. :P
Proactive?
"Not negative,"not cynical and bitter,is a positve, to me!
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