You're welcome, and no need to "promise" to "try harder" - you're doing fine! This is a rough draft, not a submission to a publisher here, and I commend you for it. I'm a chicken about posting my freewriting.
Your strength is my weakness - plot, pace, the direction the story is going. In fiction workshops it's all too easy to get hung up on "POV violations," the passive-voice police (who tend to mistake "she was standing there" for passive voice), and those who use Elmore Leonard's Ten Rules of Fiction as a battering ram to attack the prose of others. After almost four years of an online workshop, I left, even though you can also gain a lot of really good, really helpful feedback there. I was editing and offering feedback (for free, as always) at #thewritersblock and #isleofwrite for more than a year, but I finally quit working a full-time job unpaid and started doing more 5-minute freewrites and I even wrote a 50,000 word novel in one month (NaNoWriMo), but it needs editing, beta-reading, feedback, and maybe a co-author to torture those protagonists when I can't bring myself to do it.