Hello All! This is my first time entering a piece into the 5 minute free write! I had fun with the topic of the day, "switch". My writings tend to be dark and heavy, so please practice self care when reading my thoughts. I hope to get to participate in this again! Have a great day all.

No one understands me. The feelings that I have, deep rooted in my soul. The feelings of not knowing exactly what I am. Can you hear that voice? The one that gnaws at you, and tells you to be like everyone else? That voice sometimes screams at me, and gets so angry that I switch between being male and female. The voice also has a touch of shame, like i should feel horrible for being myself, feel horrible for living without regret.

My family doesn't understand. My friends don't understand. Sometimes I don't even understand. Why did I have to be born this way? When I look in the mirror, I don't see the beautiful, feminine woman that others see. I don't see a man like my father, or uncles, or even my boyfriend. I see some weird gender that falls in between. My mind switches back and forth constantly. Is that a man? Or a woman?

I know I am a woman by birth. I was born with female anatomy. My boyfriend tells me I am sexy like a woman. My friends and family tell me how beautiful I am. So why can't I see that? Why do I feel less attached to feminine enjoyments? Why can't I love shopping? Drama? Love? Pink Martinis?

I will never know why I am like this, but continue to question it. I need to learn that this is me. All me. And it will never just switch off.