The Message From A Naive Hero And His Assistant

There has been a lot of walking lately. But I am not here to complain.
Please, let me explain to you what really happened:

A few days ago I and my assistant had to make a stop at the museum. You could barely see the roof, in fact, there was no roof left to see. We came too late and all the boring people were already dead. Folley, my assistant - A caffeine addict who literally can't get up from bed without his energy drinks. Fighting crime is not that wonderful it seems when you have a snooze button. I sometimes use a little something to spice up his drinks. People call it cocaine. Although I don't know exactly what cocaine is, it makes him rise up from his bed like a joke taken too far. So what's with the amounts of walking? Well, Folley used what was left of the drink to fuel the car. Someone's been bitter lately...

Let me introduce myself. My name is Wextun Ziltan, a hero to the people. I am here to cleanse the earth from the CBP - Chronically Bored People. This is not your ordinary story of a hero that you'd expect. In fact, all stories that include a hero are lying to you, like the ones who created the crime scene at the museum. There's always a good guy and a bad guy, but good and bad does not exist. To hell with your heroes! These are just glitches in your imagination anyway. This makes me a superhero for realizing this. This is why I agreed with Folley to join TOOF - The Order Of Fun to annihilate all the boring people from this earth.

However, it all seemed rather weird. There was no initiation. Folley wanted me to kiss his ass and we'd be good to go, he said. But I wanted to exceed his expectations, so I tongue-kissed him and my tongue dug deep into his mouth. He never looked at me the same way again. He became a caffeine addict and started to sleep 14 hours a day. Dark times, indeed.

The museum had been destroyed by the FP - Fishy People, by people in fishy suits. But that was my job! They're always stealing my job! I have always wanted to free the CBP from these boring buildings. People who go to boring buildings are boring, that's why Folley wanted me to blow it all up into small pieces so that we could take the scene instead. But obviously, we had no car and Folley snoozed as usual. So the FP managed to take over our job in destroying the museum. But we do not physically destroy people like the FP. That's why we're on this eternal quest to inform people not to pick the TOOF but to let the TOOF pick. Like the naive hero, I once was.

Yours truly ~ Wextun

This is my entry for the @honeydue contest: https://steemit.com/contest/@honeydue/random-fiction-contest-2-winner-of-1