Day 80: 5 Minute Freewrite - Awakening
I knew a guy in college who’d rewritten his 600-page novel four times in the hopes that it would be good enough to be published. He wouldn’t let anyone see it. “Unfinished, sloppy, not good enough” he’d say. When finally we did see it, it wasn’t good enough even by our then not terribly high standards. But he’d already re-written it so many times, none of us couldn’t have told him to do it again at that point. So we did what humans do. We lied. The thing never did get published, of course, but I wonder still, to this day if he’d ever written anything else. Because in truth, he couldn’t have not known even then. And the idea as I recall it was a good one. Just the execution of it that needed work, but alas, embarrassment or fear of rejection has kept even the bravest among us from sharing our half-baked works. God knows it’s kept me from doing it. And so we write in a vacuum, hoping that some internal arbiter of quality will know for certain when are words ARE good enough to see the light of day. To be judged.
I was one of those writers for almost two decades. Writing for me has always been an escape from the more serious, more adult things, much as reading had been earlier. Creating a place my brain could meander through, get lost in–an almost dreamlike state of being that felt better than anything while I was at it. Up until I had to put that last period at the end. Waking up from that was like burying the dead over and over. The people I created - gone for good. The places, at times the words I had to make up to make them fit the people and the places - entire histories scrapped, buried. I was too scared to share them with the world.
At times, I still am, but I am braving through it more and more. And if nothing else, it makes waking up from the place I go to when I write a bit less painful.
Grateful for these free writes prompts more than you know @mariannewest and @improv. Thank you for starting a very good thing.
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Thank you for sharing this #freewrite. Writing is such a personal experience. It's really hard for some to share their work with others.
what you wrote is so true. My first thought was I bet his first draft was the best. His original thoughts were most likely better relayed in that first draft.
but then most, from schooling, start looking at the rules of writing and sometimes the original great thoughts are lost trying to make a piece of work fit into all the rules.
sometimes you just have to let yourself be free and yes, the freewrites help do that. The community has a great support system for any type of writer whether they are a new one, like me, or someone, like you, that has been trained.
Trust in yourself is not easy but helps when you have someone at your back :D
Hope you have a wonderful day!!
Yep, me too. I still think about that and wonder what it was like before the self-doubt kicked in and yes, the rules....
First drafts often are the best - with a freshness and momentum that comes with not having been tinkered with too many times. (Wish I didn't know this to be true, firsthand.)
Inna, thank you for this, and @snook, you get it! Trying to fit the story into a framework, with rules, and learning to trust our own inner authority.
Heya! It's me, @improv (not @improve (who only ever posted once))
Yup yup. I rather think putting things out there in the wild and getting feedback early can help you shape things before your ego gets too wound up and you can't see that your words are not babies.
I edited the post to reflect the correct name for you. Sigh. Sorry about that, sir. And thanks for dropping by :-)
I'm not bothered! I also seek to improve my improv. :P
I'm inclined to think that poor guy didn't have a single friend with enough guts to tell him the truth. True friends are sincere, and he lost a lot of time in the illusion of being able to do something for which he had no talent.
At least, with the freewrites we have a lot of fun without pretension, and don't rewrite four times a 600-page "brick" ;)
Today's prompt: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-81-5-minute-freewrite-prompt-i-floss-my-tears
Maybe, but given the circumstances, it felt like a small mercy, albeit misguided.... Thanks for dropping by and the new prompt!
Our fictional characters do seem real enough to exist outside our minds - and real enough to be murdered, buried, hidden.
Or aborted, or miscarried. (Sorry.) Inna, this hits so close to home:
The people I created - gone for good. The places, at times the words I had to make up to make them fit the people and the places - entire histories scrapped, buried. I was too scared to share them with the world.
I was half-hoping you'd miss this one, @carolkean.
Really beautiful sentiments here <3
When you speak of the dreamlike state, how much better it feels than anything else, and the pain of waking from it. Sigh How I know your feelings.
And this. Yes. It eases the pain a bit to share with the world and have our words loved or at least appreciated by others. I'm so happy we've found a place to encourage that!
Me too- happy! We have the Isle :-) And each other. That matters.
The fear of criticism holds us back in so many ways!!
It's no coincidence that most fanfiction authors are quite young. Not only because it lets them create in an already extant world, using already created and fully-fleshed characters, but because it shows an inability to say goodbye, to close the final chapter, to flip the final page, on a story, on a past self.
And rewriting without anyone to inject feedback, how different is it from the first time one writes? Oh, it's different, but is it any better? That's a classic example of spinning one's wheels, of acting as if one is moving forward while knowing you're too afraid to do so to actually step off the treadmill and take a step that matters, a step outside.
Well, you're no longer asleep now. Good luck, and welcome to the realm of the half-awake, where we try to point the way, and stumble, and fall. But off the rocker, off the bed. In the world.
And think of this, an author must know death. An author must be willing to kill. That is the true realization that is required for an author. And the first thing we kill is our own dreams, and then our own writings. So new could grow in the place of the old.