Love letters... | 8 ... I wish you knew...
... love letters to the one who will never read them...
So I wish, only sometimes, you could read my mind, or feel my heart.
A mix between the absurd and the incomprehensible, of the illogical and the inexplicable... but a feeling after all.
I keep my mind busy with the zillion things I tend to get myself to do, business as usual. But then, every so often, and more often than I would like, a thought escapes the cage of my "don't"s and I think about you. I cannot help it, and a bit of nostalgia of what never was comes to me and one of those tiny bits of broken heart insists in digging deeper into its core.
And it is that I cannot help it. It just happens.
Every so often, and lately almost all the time, I think that what takes your time and passion will vanish as soon as this is all over, as soon as it all comes back to reality. On the one hand I hope it lasts and gives you a long term good feeling, but on the other hand, I cannot help but think that I hope that my assumptions are right and it will be over when it is all over, and you feel as sad as I, so that karma can give it back to you.... and then you can reconsider. And maybe I would too. No, I don't want you to be hurt, but to understand my feelings, but probably that will never happen. And you never even cared about it.
So yes, I may have traces of selfishness, because I want you to be in my life. And don't get me wrong. It is terrifying. What if in the end I am expecting someone else? What if in the end you are simply empty? What if in the end I feel as empty as I feel without you?
What ifs... millions of them.
But what I have known so far is that if chances are not given, the results cannot be guaranteed. I heard yesterday that quantum physics state that there are a million parallel universes, but you won't know until you are in "it", in any, within, immersed... I don't know anything about quantum physics, but I think I understood that there are infinite options, but you wont't know the outcome of any of the possibilities till you choose it. So... why anticipating to disaster if that is only one of the possibilities. I'd love to know a bit more about the subject... but not by an arrogant pretentious person like the one I talked to a few months back, what an idiot. Simply by someone that understands that we are all ignorant, but we all ignore different things....
Then I started believing that it is true, there will be reasons why the final reality happens, and that must have to do with the own energy you attract, what you make happen from within to the outside, what you reflect, what you project in the exterior, like a projector, which will show what is in the thoughts.... and then someone will argue that the film was already written and some will call it god, or whatever.... hmmmmm... I will stick to us being our own creators and we are all part of the magic that happens around us. ... i guess the last paragraph would be a whole discussion on its own...
But i wish you knew there are so many things that I would like to know from you, what are your views, what are your thoughts... I wish we could spend long hours talking about everything sharing the time as if it was never ending...