In this week’s edition of Laughing At Statists, we scrub the dark comedic dirt off of CIA black ops.

Note:  The following is from the official CIA website, cia.gov.  All of my comments and additional links are in bold.  On a side note, there is so much hilarious BS in the original CIA PR piece, that it was kind of ludicrous to add humorous commentary.  Anyway, enjoy!

CIA Vision, Mission, Ethos & Challenges
Vision CIA’s information, insights, and actions consistently provide tactical and strategic advantage for the United States.
Translation: CIA’s invasion of privacy, stolen information, and immoral actions provide tactical advantage for the global oligarchy.

Mission Preempt threats and further US national security objectives by collecting intelligence that matters, producing objective all-source analysis, conducting effective covert action as directed by the President, and safeguarding the secrets that help keep our Nation safe.

My comments:  Hmmm, intelligence that matters.  Did they dig up some juicy intel by using extorted funds (taxes) to pay prostitutes to drug people in Operation Midnight Climax?

 https://www.lewrockwell.com/2016/09/no_author/cias-operation-midnight-climax/

When they say “effective covert action”, perhaps they’re referring to political assassinations and coups?   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Condor 

 http://nsarchive.gwu.edu/NSAEBB/NSAEBB4/

Ethos The officers of the CIA are guided by a professional ethos that is the sum of our abiding principles, core values, and highest aspirations. This ethos holds us on course as we exercise the extraordinary influence and authorities with which we have been entrusted to protect the Nation and advance its interests. CIA’s ethos has many dimensions, including:…...

Translation: The mid-level goons of the immoral, violent cult known as the CIA are guided by professional, satanic ethics.  The core value of moral relativism allows them extraordinary coercion capabilities and illegitimate authority.  This is used to protect international terrorists, drug cartels, and other nefarious interests.    
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Gladio
 http://tinyurl.com/j4wgrcd

…...Integrity. We uphold the highest standards of lawful conduct. We are truthful and forthright, and we provide information and analysis without institutional or political bias. We maintain the Nation’s trust through accountability and oversight.

My thoughts: Integrity? The last time I checked, integrity means honesty and moral uprightness. Truthful? Kind of hard to be truthful when the entire operational code revolves around deception and secrecy.  Trust? Do you know anyone who trusts the CIA? The following links provide fine examples of “integrity”.

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cyclone
 http://tinyurl.com/jrs5d6p 

 Excellence. We bring the best of our diverse backgrounds and expertise to everything we do. We are self-aware, reflecting on our performance and learning from it. We strive to give all officers the tools, experiences, and leadership they need to excel.

My thoughts:  I guess they learned from the original Operation Gladio (referenced above) and that is being reflected in their improved performance in Operation Gladio B (video below).    
 

Courage. We accomplish difficult, high-stakes, often dangerous tasks. In executing mission, we carefully manage risk but we do not shy away from it. We value sacrifice and honor our fallen.

My thoughts:  Those coward parasites at the Cocaine Import Agency have zero courage.  Order followers who disobey Natural Law do not have courage. They hide behind the fallacious facade of state authority.  Value sacrifice? Maybe human sacrifice.

Teamwork. We stand by and behind one another. Collaboration, both internal and external, underpins our best outcomes. Diversity and inclusion are mission imperatives.
My comments:  It was apparently a team effort to try to mind-rape people in the MK Ultra experiments.   
 https://webbrain.com/brainpage/brain/D36749F1-3A40-09FA-957F-41294B88CB70#-168 

Stewardship. We preserve our ability to obtain secrets by protecting sources and methods from the moment we enter on duty until our last breath.
Translation:  They steal information and protect their criminal assets.    

Key Challenges Close intelligence gaps with enhanced collection and analysis on the countries, non-state actors, and issues most critical to the President and senior national security team.

My thoughts:  When they say “enhanced collection”, they really mean “torture”.  What non-state actors are they referring to? Blackwater? Booze Allen Hamilton? When they say “president” and “senior national security team” they really mean spineless psycho puppet cowards.    
 https://www.academi.com/

Fulfill our global mission to give customers decision advantage as they confront an unprecedented volume and diversity of worldwide developments that affect US interests. Leverage technological advances for better performance in all mission areas—collection, analysis, covert action, and counterintelligence—while protecting against technological threats to the security of our information, operations, and officers…... 

 Translation:  Using technologies that are not available to the general slave population for better performance in all immoral actions funded by the global slave plantation.  This helps us protect their satanic oligarch masters from any hasty slave revolt.
 

 …...Better manage Agency resources during a period of fiscal austerity.
 My comments:  Something tells me that’s a lie.  Take a grain of salt and read the following article.
 http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2015/02/02/black-budget-requests-remain-secret 

 You can read the entire PR piece without my comments @
 https://www.cia.gov/about-cia/cia-vision-mission-values 

The above steeming anarchy logo was generously created and donated by the one and only @papa-pepper