You are spot on with noticing the disconnection abuse creates between parents and their children. I spend time chatting with people about the realities and connections between their desire to control the child due to their own internal feeling of chaos and being out of control.

We project onto children what we repress within ourselves. Parents who "don't understand" or more likely to use violence because they project that their child "doesn't understand".

Abuse or violence toward kids doesn't create understanding, just more confusion amongst both parties and evasion of the knowing and understanding yourself.