Boundaries and betrayal as lessons, hmmm. Yes, I've also been experiencing much in these areas and as I told you two who've been very important in my life seem now not to be, or the relationship is no longer as close as you mention with this man you're venting about. I was more reactive to those two and in situations than I am now, but I think it takes a lot of time and like anything continues--meaning the lessons and challenges continue coming our way, perhaps through different people?
I suppose I know when something no longer has a claw in me (I've learned my lesson--in a good way) is when I can observe (in a very calm way), really see and hear the other and where they're operating from and have compassion for them as another human/spirit, but also no longer allow (or even perhaps engage in) the tearing down of my spirit. There is no need to explain this to a person who isn't meeting you at the same open level. But, for me, though I may not be engaging, I am open to their growth and perhaps a return even if that is unlikely.
Betrayal seems to let us know when our own vibration/way of operating is not being met by the other, ie we are not being seen, heard, considered. But, I am not here to offer advise, only to commiserate and share, say it's been a struggle for me as well and also getting better at allowing myself that same compassion you write about above, that I'm operating in each moment truthfully to my full capabilities and until I really do believe that I've found I can and will continue to be triggered by the same situations/scenarios. Especially, when it comes so close to a lover and the ways in which we've opened to them.
Plus, I think you're right that many just want to fix/solve things and or project onto you. Probably this man's judgment of you is more a reflection of what he doesn't allow in himself more than it's anything about you personally.
Take or leave what you choose~ And, thanks for the video introductions to HD