Stop judging me.

They were goddamn delicious.

Assembly isn't much to talk about. It was relatively simple! I laid out the egg roll wrappers, smeared some refried beans on that bad boy, hit it with some leftover rice, a piece of thinly sliced (cooked!) pork, and then balanced some tasty cheese on top.

Wet the wrapper with water wherever it is going to make contact with itself so it seals!

Heat up oil, place them gently in the bubbling bath, and fry until golden brown!

Not shown:

The first egg roll that I dropped into the oil that should have been at a perfectly reasonable temperature. Should have.

Instead, the oil went into a terrifying boil that was reminiscent of a pirana feeding frenzy.

"OH SHIT!" -me
"... What's on fire?!" -sammo

Nothing dear, just my pride.

It was blacker than coal and about as hard. The insides were colder than a witch's tit.

The house was full of smoke.

I was mortified.

It still smells faintly of burnt burrito ass in here. But I still ate it. Because I have no shame.

I noticed at this point that I was being watched very closely. She saw the whole damn thing.

You can see the judgment in her eyes.

But after letting the oil cool down, I was able to finish the egg rolls with little to no issue.

So. Many. Burrito. Rolls.

In the end, all but one survived the preparations. Two got a little burnt because I didn't have a thermometer so I was literally guessing at how hot it was by how quickly water pissed it off and sent it into an uproar.

OMNOMNOMNOM.

I will definitely be making these again. And I will truffle shuffle the whole way through.

Gif credit to giphy!