Rogue Chef Diary: Foolproof Recipes For The Food Prep-challenged (satire with photos)
Join us for this inaugural edition of Rogue Chef Diary, as we make delicious magic happen with quick and easy recipes.
Today's food art recipe - "Colorful Crunchy Lettuce With Hint Of Air"
Phase 1: Obtain lettuce through any of the following means: purchase with liberating cryptocurrency of choice, purchase with federal reserve violence-backed debt instruments, voluntary exchange/barter, or grow proprietary lettuce in garden (friendly advisory: growing in garden will be the most time consuming)
Above: Voluntary exchange of stuffed animal for lettuce
Phase 2: Wash lettuce with liquid of choice. For example, non-toxic soap made of natural ingredients, toxic soap made of hard to pronounce chemicals, veggie spray wash, purified water, and/or non-purified water. As a second option, some brazen individuals choose not to wash their lettuce. This is not recommended.
Phase 3: Cut, chop, slice, shred, tear, or rip lettuce into desired shape and size. This may be done with the sharp object of your choice, such as a kitchen knife, scissors, machete, Swiss army knife, finger nail clippers, toe nail clippers, fingers, or toes. If you do not wish to cut your lettuce, skip Phase 3 and proceed directly to phase 4.
Phase 4: Obtain food serving vessel of choice. Typically, these can be found in the average kitchen. Some examples include, but are not limited to, bowls, cups, plates, boards, storage containers, pots, pans, cauldrons, and empty socks.
Phase 5: Place desired quantity of lettuce in an aesthetically pleasing manner in the food serving vessel of choice. Please note: If you choose the empty socks for your food vessel, this can sometimes not be viewed as aesthetically pleasing.
Phase 5: Do not season or add anything else.
Phase 6: Eat your lettuce/food art at the desired rate of consumption.
Funny!
Enjoy your honeymoon salad -- 'lettuce alone.'
Superb play on words! Thanks
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