Lettuce on Burgers! What kind of Devil’s Work is this?

Am I alone in this? I like a burger as well as the next guy. I quite like salads also. Crisp lettuce served fresh with a nice dressing is delicious. Hot meat between bread is delicious. But hot meat on top of lettuce is a recipe for disaster. All that happens is that the lettuce turns into some kind of silicon based lubricant that enables the meat to slide out of the bread with all the efficiency of a well lubricated piston.

I mean really? If this was served as an open salad, it would get sent back every time

Considering that the Americans invented the hamburger they are certainly leading the pack in their efforts to cock it up completely. The main claim to be the first is by one certain Mr Fletcher Davis of Athens, Texas. Oral tradition has it that in the 1880s Mr Davis opened a food counter in town serving a “burger of fried ground beef patties with mustard and Bermuda onion between two slices of bread, with a pickle on the side”. You will notice a complete absence of any damned lettuce here!

Starts off looking pretty and turns into Algae in seconds
Nowadays burgers are getting bigger and bigger. They stand 6 inches high on your plate and have to be held together with a wooden stake through their hearts. Nobody can get their mouth round 6 inches! Steady!!!!

Please people, let’s get back to having burgers as they should be. If you insist on salad, please serve it as a side.

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