A review of my experience at Fat Pig's Pancake and Sausage Shack.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was hungry for breakfast.

"To the Sausage Shack," I yelled!

I was very excited, of course. It was my first time going to Fat Pig's Pancake and Sausage Shack, and I was starving.

I got dressed quickly; no time to brush my hair, and I jump out the door, still in my little kitty slippers.

I drove quickly. The traffic was brutal, but I persisted, until I finally saw it in the distance.

The Shack.

It was a rustic, homely looking place. Pieces of wood were pounded into the grass surrounding the establishment, and the place itself looked almost like a cottage.

It was made of boards of wood, roughly pounded together, as if in a hurry. Chunks of brick, and course bundles of straw filled in the gaps in the walls, creating a very old-fashioned aesthetic.

I was quite charmed, and pulled into the parking lot. It was nearly empty, so I felt lucky to not have to deal with a line.

I go in through the door, and a cowbell rings. Yes, the door was connected to a cowbell. I was very amused by this, and smiled as the waiter appeared.

The waiter was a pudgy fellow for sure. Definitely a fan of his own bacon or something.

He offered me a nice table by a window, and I sat down. The table was a bit grimy, but the waiter did wipe it for me. However, the grime was stuck to the table too hard, and was not able to come off.

Oh well.

Anyways, I open the menu, and see some typical entries.

Pancakes, sausages, bacon, eggs, even waffles.

I'm delighted, and order a combo item: Pancakes, sausage, bacon, and an egg.
For $11, I'm not complaining, seeing as it comes with complimentary coffee as well.

I pour myself a mug of steaming, creamy coffee, sip, and spit. I honestly spit, right into the napkin tray.

What in the world was that taste in my coffee? It was so bitter.
Not like coffee, or even chicory bitter. It was greasy, soapy even.

It was like the most foul detergent taste, but mixed into the most fetid pre-ground coffee.

It was a hideous taste, and I carefully pushed the coffee pitcher away, and made sure to sip lots of water, to get the taste out of my mouth.

Still, it was free coffee, so I can't complain.

Yet, I am hearing the weirdest things. From the kitchen, I mean.
It sounds like clucking. Yes, quacking and clucking.

And it just turned into screaming, and there is a crunch.

I'm disturbed, but I'll just shrug, and ignore it.

And here comes my meal.

Ah, it looks delicious.

The scrambled eggs are runny and a bit soft, the pancakes are still a bit gooey, and the bacon has a row of nipples on it. The sausage looks crispy and very oily.

Yum.

Well, I'm a big fan of pancakes, so I take a bite.

I'm surprised at how awful the taste of baking soda is. Of course it's not going to taste like fresh strawberries or something, but at the same time, it's still called baking soda.

Baking, right? So it should be a bit more tasty than it is.

But no, it burns my mouth as I chew the pancake.

It's just a disaster here. It melts in my mouth far too easily, and then begins fizzing even as I chew it.

Well, let's try the eggs.

My first reaction is simply shock. Eggshells. A lot.

But beyond just that, the eggs are not fully cooked.

This is for sure, because once I got past the fluffy outer layer, the egg essentially melted and turned to goop in my mouth.

It's hard to keep going, but I am quite hungry, so I will try.

Next, I'm determined to try the bacon. Despite the little pig nipples on the edge of the cut of bacon, it looks fine.

I put it into my mouth, and bite. There is nothing. It does not crunch.
It does not melt. It doesn't fizz or break. It has no flavor.

It is immortal bacon, and it cannot be chewed.

The nipples though, I had to try them. I put my lips around one, and feel horror.
This was a bad idea. I stop, and put the entire solid block back onto my plate.

How about the sausage then? I bite into it: And it is just fine.

I'm able to chew it like it's normal sausage, so I happily eat it.

However, it seems like the waiter has gotten into an argument with another customer.

"I refuse to let you in after what you did last time! You scared off my customers!"
"Come on, bro, let me in. I just want a snack."
"No, your behavior was unacceptable. I will not allow it."
"Come on, just get me some of your free coffee, ok?"
"No, you will not come in, not by the hair on my chinny-chin chin."

I was agape, once it started to get physical.

The man outside pounded on the door, and began breathing heavily, and swearing wildly.

"Let me in you fat-f***!"
"No, I'll call the cops if you don't leave!"

The man outside began to huff and puff, getting obscenely furious.

"I'll blow your shack down in my report if you don't let me in!"
"No, get out of here! You're not welcome here!".
"Fine, I'm going to file this into the report. I warned you."

So the Restaurant Health and Safety Inspector left.

I sat at my table, still a bit shocked. I finished my eggs, took another hideous sip of coffee, and left $15 on the table, and ran out of there.

Anyways, my final recommendation for this place is:

If you're hungry enough, this place fits the bill.

*~Kitten