I threw my slowcooker into the middle of my backyard

And there it sat, until I curbed it.

I get frustrated when a coworker or friend tells me how much their slowcooker changed their life. Dump in ingredients. Set on low or high. Go to work, or to the gym, or out with friends. When you come home, waiting for you will be the best homecooked meal of your life.

Meat drained of all flavor, suddenly very light and falling apart. Thick, fatty sauce. Where did those onions go? Ah! there's a carrot. Must be an awesome carrot, since it sat in the slowcooker for so long. Ooh, potatoes and bits of celery. They're going to be awesome. Let me get a slotted spoon and dish this out.

Then, plated, barely any flavor at all. Barely any unless you want to lather your food with an ungodly amount of that thick, fatty sauce.

I did that for a while. My slowcooker started to get gross. The DO-NOT-WASH parts got gunky. Other parts got warped. My kitchen walls got sputtered. I never learned to love the flavorless, light, falling-apart meat. I got mad in the way a single male who wants a better life can get mad. Slowcooker chucked into middle of snow-covered yard, and, done.

Around this time, I acquired a ceramic-coated dutch oven. You, by now, know where this story is going...

Don't hold onto the things other people say will change your life. If the ceramic-coated dutch oven is an attractive option, get it. If it turns out to be better, use it. Done. None of the meat I've cooked since the day I chucked the slowcooker has been "flavorless, light, and falling-apart."