Unfocused

I’m not a man,

I’m no Man’s man
In fact I’m not a man at all
A man is supposed to honest, fearless, and strong
A man is supposed to be hardworking, diligent, independent
So who am I to say that I have any of these characteristics
What am I,
an undeserving sense of entitlement
An Embarrassment to a culture that’s been by demonized by its society
A cold bastard
Taking up space and breathing everybody’s air
Trying to fit in but keeps telling myself that nobody cares
And yet I smile
A calm demeanor with no reason
Maintaining a deadpan look throughout every season
Mysterious reveling
unexplained yet without pause
And some would say He found cause
Or that he’s “woke”
I only realized the inevitable
So I do my best to come to terms with
The fact that I’ll never be incredible
So I
do my best to show a pearly white grin
When I receive false praise for my half assed efforts you’d swear and exclaim “he went in!”
But it’s beautiful
Like shapeless symmetry
How life is so ironic
Like no crayons but so many books of colorless imagery
Like how
You can help build a man
Or instead watch him crumble
Due to your own biases
Over the words he chose to shout that you’d rather he mumble
Like how
You can help show a man the way he SHOULD be
Opposite his genetic code
So his father can’t say “you remind me of....me”
Like HOW
You can give a man the strength and knowledge to over come
And watch him squander that gift at the expense of having fun
But it’s beautiful
The way we coexist with one another
How we chose to stay ignorant of the sins of our brothers
How we communicate
In cycles throughout time
How by becoming more connected we’ve disconnected with no reason or rhyme
How
We can carry on full blown relationships thousands of miles apart
And how someone we’ve never seen face to face can give a broken heart
But it’s beautiful
The world that is
How a person like me can coexist
I feel like nothing more than a myth
I’m not a man
yet I walk amongst them in secret
My visage casting a facade
False confidence
Blind ignorance
As I walk the streets and give passing nods
I look down
Eyes darting away to hide some sort of fear
Of an unspoken social boundary I’ve crossed that i didn’t even know I was near
I’m not a man
You see
A man is just “better”
It’s what I aspire to be