So you continue the story with two new characters, who are following the man? These are guardian angels that end up protecting Shannon and killing the man. I like some of the sentences you have used and enjoyed the characters you created, but I had to re-read the story a lot to finally understand what you were trying to get across and how it tied into the first half. I feel like this with a lot of your work, you don't consider your audience, who are mostly multi-lingual with English being their second language, this hinders the number of people who can understand and appreciate the characters and worlds you can create with your fascinating imagination.
But apart from that these are some of the lines that I really liked...
its body contorted from the rags of torn and grey-bleached wounds into a clean-shaven male figure adorned with gloves.
This is an interesting description of the man who tapped on the car window, he is a New Angel?
her ears caught off guard by the yelp and her eyes spotting the creep grasping at the stomach before the façade deteriorated away.
I love this fast paced section, it helps to visually bind the characters into the same space.
the horses nyeh-d and puffs shot through their snouts.
I am confused as to where the horses came from but this sentence was a great description of them.
Overall a good entry :)
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting! While I could harp on forever on my audience and the purpose of why I create these (plot twist: it is meant to hit those in the head that makes an occult out of the "show don't tell" rule and make a casual joke for Global Periphery ["Eastern and Southern" World] authors), I have to remind people for the umpteenth time that English is not my first language. English was the third language I heard, second language of mine (that got heavily impacted by a speech impediment early childhood) and my technical first is Polish. However, I misread your comment a first time and had to rewrite this entirely after being told of my incredulous error. Though I do wish for a direct comment with me and to be beaten over the head for it, I finally see the fact that you were just saying I had an abstract tone - and I feel dumb for not understanding it a first time. Just next time don't make obscenities of people (I could go on a limb to point out popular Global Periphery authors who write/self-translate in English that have done abstract tones). Yet you were not wrong to point my defining distinction with most entryists, I was wrong to not spot that your comment was mainly harping in on that. Thus why yah may have been notified I made a reply to yah but this is the only one yer seeing.
Well, what were thy lines? I shall see below!
Indeed, I never had stated otherwise; I have a weird habit that if I don't have multiple people being focused upon in a scene that it all gravitates the person I have been describing so far.
I've been told I write fast pace things (and I love your comment here), I just see things as they happen and treat it at normal speed. XD - Albeit, I probably could get away with that being normal paced in a movie.
I mean, it was right there. But blushing with the second half of the comment. And this is weird habit number two (out of how many writing concerns I do have), I make every single word count unlike most of the Global North ["Western"] authors I've read - that being the ones that wrote books, I need to see if this generalization of mine with Steemit. Nobody can escape not reading a word I lay down, thus forcing a long session of reading, mwahahhaha... That and I love the re-reading principle where a work makes more sense with some re-reads (a thing I borrow from Ancient-Medieval times and the Global Periphery way too much).
Dziekuje, @gaby-crb!!!!~